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Tricia wrote:Jan, here's my homework:
Almost as soon as we were in the car, Ol’ Blue started barking and pawing at the door. I opened it and he vaulted out, running toward the house. A choking, black smoke billowed out the screen door.
We are in the car, Ol’ Blue barks, and paws at the car door. I open it, he vaults out, and runs toward the house. Choking, black smoke billows out the screen door.
Past tense worked better. I was telling about a past event. Writing in past tense is easier.
PamDavis wrote:Sorry I did not catch the tense problems. I guess the most obvious slipped past me! I know I have problems with keeping the proper tense. I work at avoiding the use of "was," "had" and "did." It's not easy!
A Nonny Mouse wrote:Well, the first thing that jumps out to me is the changing of tenses from paragraph to paragraph.
The first paragraph is in present tense, right? But to me, it sounds... awkward. If you're telling a story about something that's happened, it's already happened, so it shouldn't be in present tense. Or at least, that's my thought. Perhaps I'm wrong.
Now I'll go back and read what everyone else has written, and see if you've continued the lesson!
PamDavis wrote:Jan prepared a helpful list for her beginner’s writing class. Jan put the list away for safe keeping. Jan has not been able to remember where she stored the list.
Jan prepares a helpful list for her beginner’s writing class. Jan is putting the list away for safe keeping. Jan is not able to remember where she stores the list.
glorybee wrote:There are many, many authors who write in present tense these days, in a style similar to my story. As I said, it's a style choice. It creates a more intimate mood, and is very effective for stories that take place all in one "scene".
PamDavis wrote:The President eyed bills proposed by Congress, stacked on his Oval Room desk. He planned to sift through them the night before; but a terrorist threat weighed heavy on his mind. His private secretary warned him many times about the danger of delays.
The President anxiously eyes a stack of bills from Congress on his Oval Room desk. He would not be side-tracked by yesterday’s terrorist threats. His private secretary earns her salary by wisely reminding him about the danger in delays.
Past tense seems a little more comfortable; but I also like the feeling of present, like "coming to you live and direct from the scene!"
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