Thanks, Cat!
Anything you'd care to add about adjectives and adverbs?
| |||||||||||
|
Jan's Writing Basics #2: Beware of Adjectives and AdverbsModerators: mikeedwards, glorybee
Thanks, Cat!
Anything you'd care to add about adjectives and adverbs? Jan Ackerson -- Follow me, friend me, give me a wave!
http://www.superioreditingservice.com Twitter: @janackerson1 Instagram: janackerson Facebook: Jan Worgul Ackerson, Superior Editing Service, Jan Ackerson, writer
Sorry, Jan, about the red herring.
I have always been taught to find the perfect verb that allows you to dispense with the adverb. Does this apply also with nouns and adjectives? May God's gentle grace be with you.
Jim McWhinnie
Only that I've been working harder to eliminate as many as possible. ![]() And a question, or possibly a suggestion for a future lesson - Explain a "gerund" and why it's a no-no to start a sentence with one. Catrina Bradley
FaithWriters Profile Scattered Seeds Jewels of Encouragement "God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes." Psalm 18:24 (The Message)
Thanks, Jan! Kristi
"When I stand before God at the end of my life I would hope that I would have not a single bit of talent left and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.'" -Erma Bombeck
Cat, gerunds are all Ann's...pop over to her class and leave the suggestion, wouldja please?
Thanks! Jan Ackerson -- Follow me, friend me, give me a wave!
http://www.superioreditingservice.com Twitter: @janackerson1 Instagram: janackerson Facebook: Jan Worgul Ackerson, Superior Editing Service, Jan Ackerson, writer
Jan's Class![]() Bone tired, Jan shuffled through her door, slipped off her shoes, and thanked God her day was over. Her thoughts had drifted to the rewards in the 'fridge, a diet soda and chocolate cake perhaps. "Ow!" what did I step on? Pain shot through her heel. She raised her foot and saw the little red offender, a Lego, left from yesterday by my nephew, no doubt. All of the opening words:Exhausted, weary, worn out, tiredly -redundent long, seemingly, endless -long or endless better unenthusiastically -not needed if she is plodding icy, cold not needed if in 'fridge Description of refridgerator not needed Ow! was enough to explain the loud exclamation curiously, sharp, acute-not needed the previous, day before- redundent not needed firmly,tender,miniscule also not needed Well, I tried. Thanks Jan, Ruth Brown
I have not read the other posts- yet. So here goes:
Exhausted from the long, stressful day at work, she dragged her weary body into her home and slumped against the door. Peeling off expensive black heals from her swollen feet; Jan limped to the kitchen, and opened the door to the fridge. Her throat was parched, and all she wanted was a long drink of cold Diet Coke, and something sweet and chocolaty to eat. “Ouch!” she yelled out. Something bit her bare foot. Jan leaned against the table and painfully lifted up her foot to examine the damage. “Ow!’Jan plucked a small yellow Lego from her heal “Darn that nephew of mine! I thought we had put away all those toys yesterday.” Last edited by Ms. Barbie on Mon Jan 25, 2010 9:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Barb Culler
Ruth, I LOVED your example. I thought it was great!
And Jan, regarding non-fiction, I think it makes your lesson even MORE important for me. Especially since most of my writing is poetry, it is imperative that I choose the RIGHT words to make my point, because I want to make it PRECISE and TIGHT. I really need help here. http://www.faithwriters.com/member-profile.php?id=45576
"God has not called me to be successful, God has called me to be faithful." Mother Teresa "...not to advance in the spiritual life is to go back. But those who have the gale of the Holy Spirit go forward even in sleep.". Brother Lawrence
Worn out from a long day at work, Jan came home, exhausted. At the door she slipped off her shoes before plodding toward the kitchen. All she wanted was a cold drink and something sweet - maybe the refrigerator held some leftover cake.
“Ow!” She lifted her foot to find the cause of this shard of pain. Embedded in her heel, a small Lego, left by her young nephew on his visit the day before. Jan, I could never make an editor! May God's gentle grace be with you.
Jim McWhinnie
Jan, great lesson. I will try to post the assignment tomorrow.
(((HUGS))) to you, Rita Reflections With Dr Rita
drritagarcia.com Their voice has gone out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world. —ROMANS 10:18, NIV
Re: Jan's Class
Ruth, really nice job on snipping away at those pesky adjectives and adverbs. And by the way, you've really mastered italics, too! I'm itching to fiddle a bit with your punctuation...do you want me to do it on this thread, or in a PM? Jan Ackerson -- Follow me, friend me, give me a wave!
http://www.superioreditingservice.com Twitter: @janackerson1 Instagram: janackerson Facebook: Jan Worgul Ackerson, Superior Editing Service, Jan Ackerson, writer
Rewrite: I am not too proud to keep trying until I get it right!
Exhausted, Jan walked into the refuge of her house at the end of a long discouraging day at work. Slipping off her pinching shoes at the door, the working single mom plodded toward the cluttered kitchen. She craved a cold soda and something sweet. My diet can start tomorrow. I hope the baby-sitter didn’t find the piece of leftover cake I hid at the back of the shelf in the ice box. “Ow!” She raised her foot to find the source of sudden sharp pain. Imbedded in the flesh of her heel Jan discovered a Lego! Her visiting nephew must have left it yesterday. With God All things are Possible!
Barb, this streamlined version really got rid of so much unnecessary junk in my version--well-done! Like the previous post, there are some non-adjective/adverb things that I'd love to fiddle with. Do you want me to do it here, or in a PM? Jan Ackerson -- Follow me, friend me, give me a wave!
http://www.superioreditingservice.com Twitter: @janackerson1 Instagram: janackerson Facebook: Jan Worgul Ackerson, Superior Editing Service, Jan Ackerson, writer
Thanks for bringing up the topic of poetry! The language of poetry is totally different from the language of prose, and uses more modifiers than prose, which is perfectly acceptable. Imagery is very important in poetry, and figurative language. I'm not even sure that tightness is a good thing in poetry...if it's rhymed poetry, you want the meter to be tight, but not necessarily the language. Poets out there--what do you think? Jan Ackerson -- Follow me, friend me, give me a wave!
http://www.superioreditingservice.com Twitter: @janackerson1 Instagram: janackerson Facebook: Jan Worgul Ackerson, Superior Editing Service, Jan Ackerson, writer
Don't be so sure, Jim. You did a great job of fixing up my pitiful paragraphs! Jan Ackerson -- Follow me, friend me, give me a wave!
http://www.superioreditingservice.com Twitter: @janackerson1 Instagram: janackerson Facebook: Jan Worgul Ackerson, Superior Editing Service, Jan Ackerson, writer Return to Jan's Writing Basics Who is onlineUsers browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests
Does God exist? Build a writers website Does truth exist? Website online in minutes |