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Jan's Poetry Class--TRIOLET

These lessons, by one of our most consistent FaithWriters' Challenge Champions, should not be missed. So we're making a permanent home for them here.

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Colswann1
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TRIOLET

Postby Colswann1 » Wed Nov 18, 2009 8:04 am

Hi Jan - my attempt:

Nature's Callousness

A frog's life, gone, and no one cared,
The pond was now still and lone,
Just tiny creatures who had shared,
A frog's life, gone, and no one cared.

The mate whose life the male had paired,
To new urges now was prone,
A frog's life, gone, and no one cared,
The pond was now still and lone.

Colin
Colin Swann

Jesus’ love is constant and never wavers.

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Postby glorybee » Wed Nov 18, 2009 8:49 am

Steve, you make me laugh.
Jan Ackerson

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Re: TRIOLET

Postby glorybee » Wed Nov 18, 2009 8:50 am

Colswann1 wrote:Hi Jan - my attempt:

Nature's Callousness

A frog's life, gone, and no one cared,
The pond was now still and lone,
Just tiny creatures who had shared,
A frog's life, gone, and no one cared.

The mate whose life the male had paired,
To new urges now was prone,
A frog's life, gone, and no one cared,
The pond was now still and lone.

Colin


Colin, what on earth inspired you to write about a frog? This is utterly charming (but a bit sad for poor froggy...)
Jan Ackerson

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Postby Colswann1 » Wed Nov 18, 2009 9:08 am

Hi Jan - I have a pond in my garden and my grandson loved to spot the frogs (and often pointed them out to us) we could never spot them. But sadly none have been around for awhile, but then my grandson is growing up and lives in a different part of the country and is now engaged - so we haven't got our spotter any more.

So we miss the frogs and the pond must be lonely without them - but we have plently of fish to look at (maybe I'll write about them next).

Colin
Colin Swann

Jesus’ love is constant and never wavers.

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Postby swfdoc1 » Wed Nov 18, 2009 9:43 pm

swfdoc1 wrote:
swfdoc1 wrote: Did you take “willing” to mean “agreeable” or “exerting the will” or one of each?


glorybee wrote:One of each, I think.


Any other takers before I reveal the answer?


OK, long enough. It was a trick question. They were both intended to be diberate double entendres/ambiguities for the reader.

By the way, is it my imagination or have we had fewer triolet writers than writers of the other forms? Where are all the NaNo procrastinators?
Steve
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“The chief purpose of life … is to increase according to our capacity our knowledge of God by all the means we have, and to be moved by it to praise and thanks. To do as we say in the Gloria in Excelsis ... We praise you, we call you holy, we worship you, we proclaim your glory, we thank you for the greatness of your splendor.” J.R.R. Tolkien

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Postby glorybee » Wed Nov 18, 2009 9:46 pm

This is the first one that's even slightly tricky, especially to poetry beginners. Maybe I've made it too challenging?

Or it could be the NaNo pressure.
Jan Ackerson

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Postby swfdoc1 » Wed Nov 18, 2009 9:58 pm

glorybee wrote:This is the first one that's even slightly tricky, especially to poetry beginners. Maybe I've made it too challenging?

Or it could be the NaNo pressure.


I think you explained it very clearly. Could be NaNo or the form itself. Or maybe people are struggling with Yellow. Maybe we'll get more after tomorrow morning.
Steve
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"When the Round Table is broken every man must follow Galahad or Mordred; middle
things are gone." C.S. Lewis
“The chief purpose of life … is to increase according to our capacity our knowledge of God by all the means we have, and to be moved by it to praise and thanks. To do as we say in the Gloria in Excelsis ... We praise you, we call you holy, we worship you, we proclaim your glory, we thank you for the greatness of your splendor.” J.R.R. Tolkien

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Postby violin4jesus » Thu Nov 19, 2009 1:11 pm

I'm lying in bed but I just cannot sleep
My mind fretting over the things to be done
A pause in my day but I'm not dreaming deep
I'm lying in bed but I just cannot sleep

My time is so precious; I don't count it cheap
If rested, I'd have strength for moments of fun
I'm lying in bed but I still cannot sleep
My mind wanders over the things to be done


:?


I know you can relate, Jan. I wish I didn't have to take drugs to sleep at night. I didn't last night, so I get to be exhausted all day today. At least there's Starbucks!

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Postby beff » Thu Nov 19, 2009 7:57 pm

Jan, I've never studied/read/tried this form... and I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it, the way it flows, the repeated message lines.

My poem (like all my poems) is a TRUE account. (ok, I grossly exaggerated that.) :) ... but this is true

Incessant pawing by the dog,
She needs to go outside.
Yet here I sit, my brain, a fog,
Incessant pawing by the dog.

Her wish, that to the door I'll jog,
Her urgency will not subside.
Incessant pawing by the dog,
She needs to go outside.



(...and without further delay, I'm headed to the door). :)
Beth LaBuff

..in these last days He has spoken to us by His Son... Hebrews 1:2

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Postby glorybee » Thu Nov 19, 2009 9:17 pm

violin4jesus wrote:I'm lying in bed but I just cannot sleep
My mind fretting over the things to be done
A pause in my day but I'm not dreaming deep
I'm lying in bed but I just cannot sleep

My time is so precious; I don't count it cheap
If rested, I'd have strength for moments of fun
I'm lying in bed but I still cannot sleep
My mind wanders over the things to be done



High five to my insomnia sister! Really clever triolet, Leah!
Jan Ackerson

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Postby glorybee » Thu Nov 19, 2009 9:18 pm

beff wrote:Incessant pawing by the dog,
She needs to go outside.
Yet here I sit, my brain, a fog,
Incessant pawing by the dog.

Her wish, that to the door I'll jog,
Her urgency will not subside.
Incessant pawing by the dog,
She needs to go outside.



(...and without further delay, I'm headed to the door). :)


Oh, Beth, I hope you made it on time!

I'd love to see you do a chain of triolets for one of your charming story poems. Yes?
Jan Ackerson

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Postby beff » Thu Nov 19, 2009 9:32 pm

glorybee wrote:Oh, Beth, I hope you made it on time!


We made it on time. :)

glorybee wrote:I'd love to see you do a chain of triolets for one of your charming story poems. Yes?


That thought did cross my mind. It's a wonderful poetry form. I will keep it on a burner (maybe back, maybe front). We'll see! :)
Beth LaBuff

..in these last days He has spoken to us by His Son... Hebrews 1:2

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Postby Kid Denver » Fri Nov 20, 2009 12:46 pm

A golden bowl in twilight’s gleam
Reflects the day’s remaining life
A dying breed of sunlit streams
A golden bowl in twilight’s gleam.
With folded hands in evening dream
Forbid the night’s resurgent strife
A golden bowl in twilight’s gleam
Reflects the day’s remaining life

Henry C.
Whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men,... Col. 3:23

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Postby glorybee » Fri Nov 20, 2009 4:19 pm

Henry, I need a recording of that, on a loop, to listen to in my insomniac hours. It's beautiful, serene, and well, just perfect.
Jan Ackerson

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Postby Allison » Wed Nov 25, 2009 8:02 pm

1. your first line (a)
2. your second line (b)
3. your third line (a) which rhymes with line 1
4. repeat of line 1
5. your fifth line (a) which rhymes with line 1
6. your sixth line (b) which rhymes with line 2
7. repeat of line 1 (a)
8. repeat of line 2 (b)

I will ever praise the Lord,
He has always been my guide.
Whether facing strife or sword,
I will ever praise the Lord.

He is worshiped and adored
Even when my path's not wide.
I will ever praise the Lord,
He has always been my guide.


I think I have some phrasing/sentence structure issues with this one.
Image
Isaiah 40:30-31 (NIV)

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