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Jan's Poetry Class: Haiku

These lessons, by one of our most consistent FaithWriters' Challenge Champions, should not be missed. So we're making a permanent home for them here.

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glorybee
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Postby glorybee » Thu Oct 15, 2009 11:32 pm

GShuler wrote:I know these shouldn't rhyme but is internal rhyming taboo as well?


I see you flying
in defiance of science.
Stay free, Bumblebee.

This one is just for fun:

Don't count your chickens
while they are still in the egg...
they may be guineas.


Gerald, sorry it took so long to respond to this. I'm on vacation...having a great time

Both of your haiku are delightful!
Jan Ackerson

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Postby colin_nielsen » Fri Oct 16, 2009 5:15 am

I've never done one of these before, so I probably will not do as well as others. Ten point for anyone who can guess what it means.

Oh Precious Daughter
evil wind took you away
from me forever.
Why would a young man live in a wasteland when the castle of his dreams is standing by?
Why would a princess put on an old dress to dance with her beloved and the chance to catch his eye?

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Postby glorybee » Sat Oct 17, 2009 10:08 pm

colin_nielsen wrote:I've never done one of these before, so I probably will not do as well as others. Ten point for anyone who can guess what it means.

Oh Precious Daughter
evil wind took you away
from me forever.


Colin, how beautiful and sad!
Jan Ackerson

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Postby colin_nielsen » Sun Oct 18, 2009 2:24 am

lol the metaphor wasn't as clear as my other one. Tough to do with such a low word count.
It was supposed to be written from the POV of a Japanese man who has lost his daughter in the atomic blasts that ended world war two.
Why would a young man live in a wasteland when the castle of his dreams is standing by?
Why would a princess put on an old dress to dance with her beloved and the chance to catch his eye?

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Postby CatLin » Sun Oct 18, 2009 1:08 pm

colin_nielsen wrote:lol the metaphor wasn't as clear as my other one. Tough to do with such a low word count.
It was supposed to be written from the POV of a Japanese man who has lost his daughter in the atomic blasts that ended world war two.


Oh, how beautiful! I puzzled over it for a while last night. This answer was one I didn't consider. You could title it, to "reveal" the symbolism somewhat.
Catrina Bradley
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"God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes." Psalm 18:24 (The Message)

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Postby Kid Denver » Fri Oct 23, 2009 11:50 am

My sole has a hole
Dry feet once safe war with wet
Heaven weeps warm mist

Henry C.
Whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men,... Col. 3:23

My Member Profile Page: http://www.faithwriters.com/member-profile.php?id=27052

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Postby Kid Denver » Fri Oct 23, 2009 5:18 pm

Sunset streams run dry
Chai tea steams from mug with scent
Cursor blinks blinks blinks

Henry C.
Whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men,... Col. 3:23

My Member Profile Page: http://www.faithwriters.com/member-profile.php?id=27052

My Blog: The Underside of Green: http://henryclemmonspoet.blogspot.com/

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Postby glorybee » Sat Oct 24, 2009 11:19 am

Henry, those are wonderful--I've got to admit that I'd substitute coffee for chai tea in that last one, but I appreciate the mood!
Jan Ackerson

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Postby pheeweed » Sat Oct 24, 2009 12:19 pm

Hey Jan,
I just wanted to tell you that the poem I wrote for the challenge - Almanac http://www.faithwriters.com/wc-article-level3-previous.php?id=31959 - was inspired by this class. I would never have thought of it otherwise. And I was so disappointed that one of my lines was missing a syllable. I counted it so many times, but revised it at the last minute. Oh well. It was just a reminder that I'm not there yet and have to keep working on my skills.

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Postby glorybee » Sat Oct 24, 2009 12:42 pm

Phee! I wondered whose that was! Marvelous!
Jan Ackerson

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Postby Kid Denver » Sun Oct 25, 2009 10:12 pm

glorybee wrote:Henry, those are wonderful--I've got to admit that I'd substitute coffee for chai tea in that last one, but I appreciate the mood!


But, I don't like the word coffee :) It's confusing; both hard and soft sounding, and reminds me of a person who gets coughed on. "Jan spread the germs. She didn't cover her mouth. She was the cougher. Poor Henry, an innocent bystander, was the receipient of the uncovered spray of germs. Henry was the coughee and unhappy. He ordered a cup of hot chai tea to chill. He was told they only had iced chai tea. He told them to put it in the microwave and humor him because he was a coughee in recovery."

But, other than that, thanks for the compliment.
Whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men,... Col. 3:23

My Member Profile Page: http://www.faithwriters.com/member-profile.php?id=27052

My Blog: The Underside of Green: http://henryclemmonspoet.blogspot.com/

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Postby Kid Denver » Sun Oct 25, 2009 10:14 pm

I don't like coffee
I prefer a cup of tea
Unless there's Pepsi

Henry C.
Whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men,... Col. 3:23

My Member Profile Page: http://www.faithwriters.com/member-profile.php?id=27052

My Blog: The Underside of Green: http://henryclemmonspoet.blogspot.com/

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Postby glorybee » Sun Oct 25, 2009 10:18 pm

The waitress asks me
"Pepsi okay? No Coke here."
My saddened heart weeps.
Jan Ackerson

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Postby pheeweed » Mon Oct 26, 2009 7:05 am

I ask for water
Pepsi or Coke, matters not
If not caffeine free
Phee
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http://www.delightedmeditations.blogspot.com

"And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." Philippians 4:8 NLT

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haiku try

Postby lidijo1 » Sun Nov 22, 2009 11:58 am

so many mentions
of soft drink preferences
making me thirsty

Lisa J.
I don't know what my future holds... but I know WHO holds my future...and "I'm persuaded that HE is able to keep that which I've committed unto HIM against that day".

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