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Jan's Poetry Class: Haiku

These lessons, by one of our most consistent FaithWriters' Challenge Champions, should not be missed. So we're making a permanent home for them here.

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glorybee
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Postby glorybee » Sun Oct 11, 2009 5:25 pm

CherieAnn wrote:This is my first Jan's class! And my first haiku since elementary school. We'll see how it goes....


Fields of yellow orange
North Dakota sunflowers
Standing tall as me.


"Orange" is one syllable where I'm from, so I think that's acceptable.
And here is my silly one; it breaks the ryhming rule and (I think)the subjective:

I would like to rhyme
Me a silly little line
And I hope that's fine!


Both of these are excellent, Cherie! I love the image in the first one, and of course, I always love a bit of silliness! Can't want to see what you have to write for the next class!
Jan Ackerson

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Haiku - The Mountain River

Postby OldManRivers » Sun Oct 11, 2009 9:54 pm

sparkling diamonds,
drift by as liquid laughter,
cool and blue, she flows.
May God's gentle grace be with you.

Jim McWhinnie

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Postby Chely » Mon Oct 12, 2009 3:09 am

Sliding into my seat moments before the final bell...

Glad to see you back, Mrs. A :wink:

Here's my attempt at the assignment:

Wind whips, willows bend,

whispering soliloquies,

extolling His Son.

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Re: Haiku - The Mountain River

Postby glorybee » Mon Oct 12, 2009 7:23 am

OldManRivers wrote:sparkling diamonds,
drift by as liquid laughter,
cool and blue, she flows.


Jim, that's beautiful! Perfect haiku form, and a bit of personification, and a lovely image.

Thanks for popping by!
Jan Ackerson

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Postby glorybee » Mon Oct 12, 2009 7:24 am

Chely wrote:Wind whips, willows bend,

whispering soliloquies,

extolling His Son.


Oh, Chely, so pretty! I love the alliteration of the "W" sounds, suggesting the wind, and the use of "soliloquies", such a gorgeous word.
Jan Ackerson

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Postby Jer2911 » Mon Oct 12, 2009 11:41 am

Here is my attempt if it's not to late.

Under the trees shade
I feel the cool summer breeze
writing this Haiku
Luke 12
11When you are brought before synagogues, rulers and authorities, do not worry about how you will defend yourselves or what you will say, 12for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say."

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Postby glorybee » Mon Oct 12, 2009 11:45 am

Jer2911 wrote:Here is my attempt if it's not to late.

Under the trees shade
I feel the cool summer breeze
writing this Haiku


Hey, Jer (is that what I should call you?), welcome!

Not too late at all...there's no tardy bell in this class.

I love the fact that this haiku is self-referential...gives it a little "zinger" at the end. And it fits all the other criteria; syllable count is correct, you mention nature, no rhyming...

Only thing I'd do is add an apostrophe to "tree's".

Thanks for popping in! I've started the next thread--quatrain. Hope to see you there!
Jan Ackerson

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Postby CatLin » Mon Oct 12, 2009 11:16 pm

Since I've been working on a few Haiku's, I thought I'd go ahead and post them. Besides, what else am I going to do with them? (Do I get extra credit? :wink:)


smokey autumn air
red flames nibbling at darkness
camp fires dot the night


Glistening turquoise
roils into foaming whitecaps,
crests, curls, crashes ebbs.


Like a bolt of lightning
Your Holy Spirit pierces
Illuminating
Catrina Bradley
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Jewels of Encouragement

"God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes." Psalm 18:24 (The Message)

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Postby glorybee » Mon Oct 12, 2009 11:25 pm

Sure, Catrina, you can have extra credit. You're the haiku queen! These are marvelous!
Jan Ackerson

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Postby beff » Tue Oct 13, 2009 2:46 pm

sneaking in here... :)

a common sight here in Arizona--

Updraft, funnel, wind
Faux treacherous appearance
Benign dust devil
Beth LaBuff

..in these last days He has spoken to us by His Son... Hebrews 1:2

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Postby glorybee » Tue Oct 13, 2009 3:21 pm

Beth, that's a good one!

Just a suggestion: the "faux" in the 2nd line gives away the "punch" in the 3rd. Can you add a different 7th syllable?

I'd love to visit Arizona some day; it's COLD here in Michigan already!
Jan Ackerson

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Postby Allison » Tue Oct 13, 2009 3:51 pm

Pine trees green with white
First snowfall of the season
Cool crisp air bites me

And now... for all the "sickies" out there...

Cough and cough some more
Let's add to the symphony
Blowing noses. Honk!
Image
Isaiah 40:30-31 (NIV)

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Postby glorybee » Tue Oct 13, 2009 3:54 pm

Very good, Allison--and I'm so sorry you're sick. Your haiku are great; I love the image of the air "biting".

How about wandering over to "quatrain" and trying your hand at one of those?

Now, stay away from me.
Jan Ackerson

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Postby GShuler » Thu Oct 15, 2009 1:23 am

I know these shouldn't rhyme but is internal rhyming taboo as well?


I see you flying
in defiance of science.
Stay free, Bumblebee.

This one is just for fun:

Don't count your chickens
while they are still in the egg...
they may be guineas.
I had something really memorable to write here but I forgot what it was.
Gerald Shuler

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Postby beff » Thu Oct 15, 2009 1:21 pm

glorybee wrote:Beth, that's a good one!

Just a suggestion: the "faux" in the 2nd line gives away the "punch" in the 3rd. Can you add a different 7th syllable?

I'd love to visit Arizona some day; it's COLD here in Michigan already!


yes, you're right, I gave away the "punch" :) ...

we'd love to have you visit AZ! ... we're high desert, so not quite as warm as Phoenix though..
Beth LaBuff

..in these last days He has spoken to us by His Son... Hebrews 1:2

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