Jan's Poetry Class: Haiku

[glorybee]

Oh rats, it's catch-up time for me...yesterday was a BUSY day.

Steven, would you please teach this class? Seriously--I'm not being sarcastic or facetious here. You have so much more knowledge than I do. Write to me; maybe I can hand this one over to you and find another one more suited to my skills...think about it.

I loved your haiku, all of them...and that last one really made me grin. And thanks for the subjective/objective reminder!

[glorybee]

Dull gray rainy days
do not inspire one to write
on the topic "RED"

Oh, I hear you, Carol!

Yep, you followed the rules, and you put a little kick at the end, too. For the record, I haven't written mine yet, either.

[glorybee]

Cold, crisp morning dawns.
Tea clutched tightly in one's hand
Warms October day.

There you go, Leah. Although I'm a coffee gal myself, tea is more in line with the Japanese aspest of haiku.

It's amazing what you can say in 17 syllables, isn't it?

[glorybee]

Orange ball of fluff
Purring, rubbing round my legs
All you want is food

Oh Esther, this is marvelous! It so perfectly captures the utter manipulativeness of cats. You brought on my first big smile of the morning.

[glorybee]

Flaming orange and red
Exploding with a final bang
Goodbye, farewell, gone.

Glad you're having fun with this, Vonnie!

This haiku has really vivid imagery--it's fireworks, right? I really like the last line.

Here's a perfect example of my earlier point about those few words with "iffy" syllable counts (and they're often words with "r" sounds). In Michigan, I'd say "or-ange" with 2 syllables, giving your first line a count of 6. But I'll bet you say it differently in Maine.

But no matter how I try, I can't make line 2 into 7 syllables. You've got 8.

Care to go for round 2?

[glorybee]

yearn to sing praises
in love to Majestic One
inclined at His feet

Joy, nothing to say about this but...beautiful!

[raineysangel]

Oh, I love haiku.

Dense, dreary darkness
Blanketed by fallen cloud.
Disappear at dawn.

[glorybee]

Crashing, roaring spray
Dark angry depths churn upward,
Forward, marching on.

Oh, here's your second try! Excellent, Vonnie...I wouldn't have thought of trying to squeeze any poetic tricks into just 17 syllables, but it certainly works here. Well done!

[glorybee]

Patchwork paints window.
Dawn lights upon feathered down.
Toes wake, wiggle, warm.

My very first!

And I have no clue if it worked. lol

I think I have my syllables correct though.

Pat, your syllables are right, and your first haiku is precious! How can you go wrong with sunrise and warm babies? Well, I'm assuming it's a baby...it could be the poet herself. At any rate, the image is irresistable. Woot!

[glorybee]

Dense, dreary darkness
Blanketed by fallen cloud.
Disappear at dawn.

Oops, I almost missed this one!

Beautiful, Teresa...you captured two different moods in one teeny little haiku, and I love the phrase "fallen cloud". Very nice!

[yvonne]

Flaming orange and red
Exploding with a final bang
Goodbye, farewell, gone.

Glad you're having fun with this, Vonnie!

This haiku has really vivid imagery--it's fireworks, right? I really like the last line.

Here's a perfect example of my earlier point about those few words with "iffy" syllable counts (and they're often words with "r" sounds). In Michigan, I'd say "or-ange" with 2 syllables, giving your first line a count of 6. But I'll bet you say it differently in Maine.

But no matter how I try, I can't make line 2 into 7 syllables. You've got 8.

Care to go for round 2?

I was thinking of fall leaves, but fireworks fit.
(I say "orange" both ways, depending on the situation.)

Here's my revised edition:

Flaming orange and red
Exploding burst of yellow
Goodbye, farewell, gone

[glorybee]

Here's my revised edition:

Flaming orange and red
Exploding burst of yellow
Goodbye, farewell, gone

Oooh, I like this one ever better! It's tighter, and the imagery is very pretty!

[Pat]

Patchwork paints window.
Dawn lights upon feathered down.
Toes wake, wiggle, warm.

My very first!

And I have no clue if it worked. lol

I think I have my syllables correct though.

Pat, your syllables are right, and your first haiku is precious! How can you go wrong with sunrise and warm babies? Well, I'm assuming it's a baby...it could be the poet herself. At any rate, the image is irresistable. Woot!

tehe ... I was thinking of my wiggly, warm toes but babies tosies are soooo much cuter and an even cuter visual.

I like it all the more now.

[Pat]

Not sure if I'll be able to stop. I love the challenge of saying the most in just a few words!

Opalescent foam.
Cradles broken bits of shells
Seagulls riding the winds.

[glorybee]

Opalescent foam.
Cradles broken bits of shells
Seagulls riding the winds.

Pat, this is so pretty!

I'm wondering if you need the period at the end of the first line.

And I won't mention that the last line has 6 syllables...

But I can see and smell Florida when I read this...makes me want to fly down for a quick visit!