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Jan's Poetry Class: Haiku

These lessons, by one of our most consistent FaithWriters' Challenge Champions, should not be missed. So we're making a permanent home for them here.

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Postby glorybee » Tue Oct 06, 2009 8:47 am

Oh rats, it's catch-up time for me...yesterday was a BUSY day.

Steven, would you please teach this class? Seriously--I'm not being sarcastic or facetious here. You have so much more knowledge than I do. Write to me; maybe I can hand this one over to you and find another one more suited to my skills...think about it.

I loved your haiku, all of them...and that last one really made me grin. And thanks for the subjective/objective reminder!
Jan Ackerson

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Postby glorybee » Tue Oct 06, 2009 8:49 am

Symphonic wrote:Dull gray rainy days
do not inspire one to write
on the topic "RED"


Oh, I hear you, Carol!

Yep, you followed the rules, and you put a little kick at the end, too. For the record, I haven't written mine yet, either.
Jan Ackerson

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Postby glorybee » Tue Oct 06, 2009 8:51 am

violin4jesus wrote:Cold, crisp morning dawns.
Tea clutched tightly in one's hand
Warms October day.


There you go, Leah. Although I'm a coffee gal myself, tea is more in line with the Japanese aspest of haiku.

It's amazing what you can say in 17 syllables, isn't it?
Jan Ackerson

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Postby glorybee » Tue Oct 06, 2009 8:53 am

Esther wrote:Orange ball of fluff
Purring, rubbing round my legs
All you want is food


Oh Esther, this is marvelous! It so perfectly captures the utter manipulativeness of cats. You brought on my first big smile of the morning.
Jan Ackerson

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Postby glorybee » Tue Oct 06, 2009 8:59 am

yvonne wrote:Flaming orange and red
Exploding with a final bang
Goodbye, farewell, gone.


Glad you're having fun with this, Vonnie!

This haiku has really vivid imagery--it's fireworks, right? I really like the last line.

Here's a perfect example of my earlier point about those few words with "iffy" syllable counts (and they're often words with "r" sounds). In Michigan, I'd say "or-ange" with 2 syllables, giving your first line a count of 6. But I'll bet you say it differently in Maine.

But no matter how I try, I can't make line 2 into 7 syllables. You've got 8.

Care to go for round 2?
Jan Ackerson

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Postby glorybee » Tue Oct 06, 2009 9:00 am

joyfaire wrote:yearn to sing praises
in love to Majestic One
inclined at His feet


Joy, nothing to say about this but...beautiful!
Jan Ackerson

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Postby raineysangel » Tue Oct 06, 2009 9:01 am

Oh, I love haiku.

Dense, dreary darkness
Blanketed by fallen cloud.
Disappear at dawn.
Teresa
HerWhitewashedHeart
At My Table

"But kids like us grow up and need our own relationship with God, forged in the heart through time and experience, not draped around us by the church we attend. We need to know God for ourselves, not secondhand." Frank Peretti from his introduction in The Visitation.

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Postby glorybee » Tue Oct 06, 2009 9:02 am

yvonne wrote:Crashing, roaring spray
Dark angry depths churn upward,
Forward, marching on.


Oh, here's your second try! Excellent, Vonnie...I wouldn't have thought of trying to squeeze any poetic tricks into just 17 syllables, but it certainly works here. Well done!
Jan Ackerson

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Postby glorybee » Tue Oct 06, 2009 9:05 am

Pat wrote:Patchwork paints window.
Dawn lights upon feathered down.
Toes wake, wiggle, warm.

My very first!

And I have no clue if it worked. lol

I think I have my syllables correct though. :mrgreen:


Pat, your syllables are right, and your first haiku is precious! How can you go wrong with sunrise and warm babies? Well, I'm assuming it's a baby...it could be the poet herself. At any rate, the image is irresistable. Woot!
Jan Ackerson

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Postby glorybee » Tue Oct 06, 2009 9:41 am

raineysangel wrote:Dense, dreary darkness
Blanketed by fallen cloud.
Disappear at dawn.


Oops, I almost missed this one!

Beautiful, Teresa...you captured two different moods in one teeny little haiku, and I love the phrase "fallen cloud". Very nice!
Jan Ackerson

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Postby yvonne » Tue Oct 06, 2009 9:59 am

glorybee wrote:
yvonne wrote:Flaming orange and red
Exploding with a final bang
Goodbye, farewell, gone.


Glad you're having fun with this, Vonnie!

This haiku has really vivid imagery--it's fireworks, right? I really like the last line.

Here's a perfect example of my earlier point about those few words with "iffy" syllable counts (and they're often words with "r" sounds). In Michigan, I'd say "or-ange" with 2 syllables, giving your first line a count of 6. But I'll bet you say it differently in Maine.

But no matter how I try, I can't make line 2 into 7 syllables. You've got 8.

Care to go for round 2?


:D I was thinking of fall leaves, but fireworks fit.
(I say "orange" both ways, depending on the situation.)

Here's my revised edition:

Flaming orange and red
Exploding burst of yellow
Goodbye, farewell, gone

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Postby glorybee » Tue Oct 06, 2009 10:18 am

yvonne wrote:Here's my revised edition:

Flaming orange and red
Exploding burst of yellow
Goodbye, farewell, gone


Oooh, I like this one ever better! It's tighter, and the imagery is very pretty!
Jan Ackerson

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Postby Pat » Tue Oct 06, 2009 10:26 am

glorybee wrote:
Pat wrote:Patchwork paints window.
Dawn lights upon feathered down.
Toes wake, wiggle, warm.

My very first!

And I have no clue if it worked. lol

I think I have my syllables correct though. :mrgreen:


Pat, your syllables are right, and your first haiku is precious! How can you go wrong with sunrise and warm babies? Well, I'm assuming it's a baby...it could be the poet herself. At any rate, the image is irresistable. Woot!


tehe ... I was thinking of my wiggly, warm toes but babies tosies are soooo much cuter and an even cuter visual. :wink:

I like it all the more now. :mrgreen:

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Postby Pat » Tue Oct 06, 2009 2:49 pm

Not sure if I'll be able to stop. I love the challenge of saying the most in just a few words!

Opalescent foam.
Cradles broken bits of shells
Seagulls riding the winds.

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Postby glorybee » Tue Oct 06, 2009 3:06 pm

Pat wrote:Opalescent foam.
Cradles broken bits of shells
Seagulls riding the winds.


Pat, this is so pretty!

I'm wondering if you need the period at the end of the first line.

And I won't mention that the last line has 6 syllables...

But I can see and smell Florida when I read this...makes me want to fly down for a quick visit!
Jan Ackerson

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