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Jan's Master Class--RHYME SCHEME

These lessons, by one of our most consistent FaithWriters' Challenge Champions, should not be missed. So we're making a permanent home for them here.

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glorybee
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Postby glorybee » Wed Jan 28, 2009 12:52 pm

Loren, I believe you have a poet's heart. That was incredibly moving.
Jan Ackerson

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Sonny
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Postby Sonny » Wed Jan 28, 2009 4:03 pm

This is one verse of a poem, "Reflecting Back On Life" which I wrote today.

Although I have written this scheme before, It's not one that I frequently write.

I didn't steal
And I didn't kill
And I never intended to hurt
Any family or friends
But did again and again
As I scooped up and ran with the dirt

Sonny
Clarence "Sonny" White

http://www.amazon.com/Reflections-time- ... 822&sr=1-2

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/Reflect ... store=book

http://www.faithwriters.com/member-profile.php?id=29668

"Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart."
Psalms 37 v4 KJV

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Postby glorybee » Wed Jan 28, 2009 4:28 pm

Sonny, the rhyme scheme and the meter of this work together perfectly to create the mood of this poem.

I'd love to read the whole thing--if you post in in General Submissions, please give us the link here.
Jan Ackerson

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Sonny
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Postby Sonny » Wed Jan 28, 2009 8:11 pm

Thanks Jan.

I have posted "Reflecting Back On Life" in the general submissions area. I have posted the link should anyone want to view it.

http://www.faithwriters.com/article-det ... p?id=93626

Sonny
Clarence "Sonny" White

http://www.amazon.com/Reflections-time- ... 822&sr=1-2

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/Reflect ... store=book

http://www.faithwriters.com/member-profile.php?id=29668

"Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart."
Psalms 37 v4 KJV

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Postby glorybee » Wed Jan 28, 2009 8:20 pm

Thanks so much for this link, Sonny! I really, really liked your poem, especially these two stanzas:

I didn’t steal
And I didn’t kill
And I never intended to hurt
Any family or friend
But did again and again
As I scooped up and ran with the dirt

It’s surprising I lived
But Jesus forgives
And forgave a poor wretch like me
I acknowledged my sin
Asked him to come in
To my heart and he set me free


They really show your very tender heart.
Jan Ackerson

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Postby Sonny » Fri Jan 30, 2009 2:43 pm

Loren, this is very good. I believe it's a God given message he wants people to read.

It is something that needed to be written. I would like to see the complete poem and hope you put it where it will get exposure.

Blessings,

Sonny
Clarence "Sonny" White

http://www.amazon.com/Reflections-time- ... 822&sr=1-2

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/Reflect ... store=book

http://www.faithwriters.com/member-profile.php?id=29668

"Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart."
Psalms 37 v4 KJV

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rhyme

Postby yvonne » Wed Feb 04, 2009 11:51 am

Jan, I attempted a different rhyme scheme for my UK challenge.
(abcdec)

Twixt day and night, ‘tis dreamin’ time,
When e’re the sun is hangin’ low,
And the rosy skies are glowin’
I ramble long over hill and dale
And wish upon the evening star
When I’m wanderin’ in the gloamin’.

Wanderin' in the Gloamin'

I tend to get into a rut, usually sets of couplets, or ABCB patterns .

Vonnie

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Postby glorybee » Wed Feb 04, 2009 12:18 pm

Vonnie, you did a beautiful job with this poem (which I just this minute read in its entirety). I'm not sure I've ever read one with that rhyme scheme, and I loved the serene feel of it, tinged with melancholy.

Was it difficult to write in a rhyme scheme that was a bit experimental for you?
Jan Ackerson

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rhyme

Postby yvonne » Wed Feb 04, 2009 12:26 pm

yes... I had to let go of rhyme completely..and only work on the 3rd line. (the 6th line was the same each time)

But... It allowed me focus more on the flow and feeling of my words, not having to worry about rhyme.

Vonnie

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RHYME SCHEME

Postby Colswann1 » Thu Mar 05, 2009 7:48 am

Hi Jan

Just 2 verses - I think I'm not too bad with the meters but I'm not sure about the stresses. That is why 2 verses!

Dark Night of the Soul

I'm lost in darkness, I cannot feel
My way across life's muddled reel.
It is a tangle.
It is a mess.
Please send your help in my distress.

You are my morning, you are my light,
But I have lost you from my sight.
Please come and help me.
Please see me right.
And light the darkness of my night.

Colin

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Postby glorybee » Thu Mar 05, 2009 9:07 am

Colin, your meter was an unusual one (I like that) and the stressed felt just right to me.

I also liked your unusual rhyme scheme: aabcc

Although...now that I look at it...your second stanza is aabaa. If you ever go back to this poem, you might want to look at the last 2 lines of the second stanza and find a different end rhyme to use. What do you think?

The prayerful tone of the poem is touching and lovely.
Jan Ackerson

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