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Jan's Master Class--RHYME

These lessons, by one of our most consistent FaithWriters' Challenge Champions, should not be missed. So we're making a permanent home for them here.

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glorybee
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Postby glorybee » Mon Jan 19, 2009 11:09 pm

You're right about that Steve Miller Band song!

I suppose this is getting ahead of myself (slant rhyme is 3 weeks away), but I've noticed that song lyrics are a lot more loose in their rhymes than "regular" poetry is. I suppose that's because the ear hears the intended rhyme when the added complication of music is thrown into the mix.

Or something like that.
Jan Ackerson

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Postby hwnj » Tue Jan 20, 2009 1:16 am

Sally, you made a great point! The precision of rhymed and/or metered poetry is such that I have learned to jot down verses or even just lines that I may want to use later in the poem. Perhaps some fiction writers do, but I don't recall having ever written portions of a short story prior to reaching that point sequencially. Yes, I have an idea of where I am headed, but do not fear losing the needed turn of phrase by the time I get there like I do with poetry.

Poetical writing's a riddle.
With turns of phrase oft I must fiddle,
But the challenge supreme
Is to conquer the scheme
And make it all meet in the middle!
:D
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Postby glorybee » Tue Jan 20, 2009 9:01 am

Holly, that limerick made my day!
Jan Ackerson

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Postby Sonny » Tue Jan 20, 2009 1:39 pm

Would these work OK.

A few verses from my poem "Christmas in the City".

The young Mother says her prayers
Off drugs for good this time, she swears
And she prays to God above
Unworthy, but asking for his love

She prays for God to save her soul,
Protect her children from the cold
This years Christmas not so bleak
Warm clothes to wear and food to eat

Blessed Lord, he answers prayers
Neighbors bring food they’ve prepared
Praying for family as miracles unfold
To feed the body and the soul

http://www.faithwriters.com/article-det ... p?id=73303
Clarence "Sonny" White

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Psalms 37 v4 KJV

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Postby yvonne » Tue Jan 20, 2009 3:09 pm

oooo....I love rhyming and poetry!

Knowing other languages can add to your repertoire of words to use in rhyme. Of course, you need to use words that others might know too.

Here's a sestina that I wrote using a mixture of rhyming French and English. It was so much fun to write.
Celeste's Sestina

Rhyming more than two words isn't easy, but it's another way to make it more advanced.
gray sea - daisy
sea shore- before


Thanks for all the work you put into this , Jan.

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Postby glorybee » Tue Jan 20, 2009 5:38 pm

Yvonne, that sestina is AWESOME.
Jan Ackerson

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Postby South-paw-Scribbler » Fri Jan 23, 2009 12:01 pm

So happy together
How is the weather

Now that song was a huge hit, and I loved it, but even as a very pedantic young teen, I remember thinking that it was a ridiculous lyric. What did the weather have to do with anything? Nothing—it was only there to rhyme with together. (Hee-hee—now you have that song in your head, don’t you?)


Thanks Jan, :lol: Yes, now I am singing that song. :zipped :zipped

Now I must go and think about rhyming... :typing2
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Postby GShuler » Fri Jan 23, 2009 12:54 pm

While we are still in a class on poetry, I have a program that has worked very well for my rhyming and meter. It is Verse Perfect. http://verseperfect.en.softonic.com/
If anyone has used it (I have for a year now) then you know that it does a lot to improve your poem. The only weakness I have seen is that the program mis-counts the number of syllables occasionally. I always count them myself anyway.

It's a free download and it has become a valuable tool for me in rhyming. I would love to hear if anyone else has tried the download.
I had something really memorable to write here but I forgot what it was.
Gerald Shuler

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Postby glorybee » Fri Jan 23, 2009 4:06 pm

Thanks for the link, Gerald! I've never tried it, but it looks really cool. I too would be curious as to how and if others find it valuable.
Jan Ackerson

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poetry

Postby triumfunt » Mon Jan 26, 2009 11:10 am

Before coming to FW's a couple of years ago, I wrote mostly poetry. I had the amazing experience of atttending the Christian Writer's conference at Mt. Herman one year, and we could submit some of our work to show to editors and publishers during the event. I submitted a few poems, and went away feeling discouraged to discover that very little poetry gets published as it's not a "good sell." After expanding my writing to humor, and non-fiction prose, and dousing in some fiction, I still am pulled in a poetic direction.

After succeeding at writing a poem that sounds to me just the way I wanted it to sound, there is a feeling of accomplishment and joy that no prose I have ever written has ever delivered. Not being a math or science person, I can equate it to getting the perfect answer the first time to a difficult math problem without having to stress and rework it.

There is some kind of mysterious joy that bubbles inside of me when my poem actually portrays in words exactly what I'd intended.

I take off my writer's hat of respect to ALL the talented, gifted by God poets on this site... even with an occasional forced word, it's amazing what this genre produces. I almost wish we could have a whole 8 week challenge on poetry alone just to be forced to stretch our muscles..!

After having shared that, my poem for Uncle gave me that kind of amusing joy that no story I've written has done... with my admission the ending was forced... I need to rework the last stanza.

http://faithwriters.com/wc-article-leve ... p?id=22612
I wish I had laughed more. I wish I had smiled more. I wish I had thought of others more. I wish I had been a better listener. There is NOW and that is all I have for sure..!

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Postby glorybee » Mon Jan 26, 2009 11:29 am

Dianne, I loved it then, and I still love it now. It's a charming poem, with a tantalizing rhyme scheme and meter, and a lovely message. Thanks for the reminder, and for your thoughts on when it's just "right".
Jan Ackerson

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Postby Soren2007 » Thu Jan 29, 2009 1:39 pm

Sorry I've been absent from class. Please accept this note from my, umm, well, just chastise me for it.

Here's a re-write (based on the lesson) I did of something I'd like to make into a real something, but I stink as a poet:

My 911
It's supposed to be reflection
That you interpret in new ways
Not what will be there when I awake
You're not supposed to guide my days

Holes burn beneath the giant ape
The call to war I rejected
Hole in my gut I would avoid
So my appendix you infected

Thank you greatly for returning
To the way that you once were
Will I receive another test?
Will I die if I defer?

....

Like I said, I'm no poet. I went for ABAB, 8-7-8-7, then 9-9-9-9, then back to 8-7-8-7 to work off the theme. The poem is about dreams feeling like visions and whether we listen to the voice of God.

.....

And since I'm all about my poor poetry in this particular lesson, I'll throw out my last work, which was probably just aweful - though I had fun writing it.

The Bridge to Nowhere Certain

Tried getting cute and it fell flat....oh well. Red ink away...
“Get to work. Your work is to keep cranking the flywheel that turns the gears that spin the belt in the engine of belief that keeps you and your desk in midair.” ~Dillard.

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Postby glorybee » Thu Jan 29, 2009 6:58 pm

Thanks, Tom! The introduction to your sonnet just made me laugh out loud--really clever!

I like the way you varied the meter in the first poem...it worked for me! I think you're a better poet that you think you are.
Jan Ackerson

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Postby Kid Denver » Thu Jan 29, 2009 7:36 pm

Had time for a Rhyme.

Pardon quickly, Karen
Eyes cascading cool
Gardens chill lie barren
Skies play songs stained blue

Karen, quickly pardon
Cool cascading eyes
Barren lies chill gardens
Blue stained songs play skies

-Henry C.
Whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men,... Col. 3:23

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My Blog: The Underside of Green: http://henryclemmonspoet.blogspot.com/

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Postby glorybee » Thu Jan 29, 2009 8:27 pm

Henry, that's so cool! What IS it? I see that you've reversed the order of the words (and therefore had to have rhymes in the beginning of each line as well as at the end...)

Does this have a name, or did you invent it? Whatever--it's awesome.

Since you're one of FWs finest poets--I'd love any insights you have into any of the topics here that are specifically aimed at poetry.
Jan Ackerson

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