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exposition and hook

These lessons, by one of our most consistent FaithWriters' Challenge Champions, should not be missed. So we're making a permanent home for them here.

Moderators: mikeedwards, glorybee

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glorybee
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exposition and hook

Postby glorybee » Tue Jun 10, 2008 1:34 pm

crankycow wrote:I tried to get Casey to fall asleep, but he could not. He was just as scared as I was. The white, sterile walls brought no comfort as I looked around the room for a clock. It was after midnight.


Good, ummmm, Cow. It definitely introduces conflict, and words like "scared" and "sterile" start to create a suspenseful mood.

The only thing I'd change is the "he" in the first sentence; it's a pronoun that doesn't match its antecedent. Thus:

I tried to get Casey to fall asleep, but I could not.

OR, another way to do it:

I tried to get Casey to fall asleep, but he remained wide-eyed and restless.
Jan Ackerson

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Postby glorybee » Tue Jun 10, 2008 8:05 pm

Catrina--It's a GREAT hook!

(Although I've gotta admit, it's almost an anti-hook for a scaredy cat like me. Ewwwwwww).

Nah, seriously...it's really good.
Jan Ackerson


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