crankycow wrote:I tried to get Casey to fall asleep, but he could not. He was just as scared as I was. The white, sterile walls brought no comfort as I looked around the room for a clock. It was after midnight.
Good, ummmm, Cow. It definitely introduces conflict, and words like "scared" and "sterile" start to create a suspenseful mood.
The only thing I'd change is the "he" in the first sentence; it's a pronoun that doesn't match its antecedent. Thus:
I tried to get Casey to fall asleep, but I could not.
OR, another way to do it:
I tried to get Casey to fall asleep, but he remained wide-eyed and restless.