Jan's Master Class--EXPOSITION AND HOOK

[glorybee]

I tried to get Casey to fall asleep, but he could not. He was just as scared as I was. The white, sterile walls brought no comfort as I looked around the room for a clock. It was after midnight.

Good, ummmm, Cow. It definitely introduces conflict, and words like "scared" and "sterile" start to create a suspenseful mood.

The only thing I'd change is the "he" in the first sentence; it's a pronoun that doesn't match its antecedent. Thus:

I tried to get Casey to fall asleep, but I could not.

OR, another way to do it:

I tried to get Casey to fall asleep, but he remained wide-eyed and restless.

[glorybee]

Catrina--It's a GREAT hook!

(Although I've gotta admit, it's almost an anti-hook for a scaredy cat like me. Ewwwwwww).

Nah, seriously...it's really good.