"We need to tell men to stop raping women."

[Hoomi]

I've been going back and forth a bit with a friend over on Facebook, regarding this quote, as spoken by Ms. Maxwell on the news recently. My contention was that her words are a bit naive - that if all it took was telling men to not rape, then all it would take is telling any criminal to not commit their crimes, and we would have a culture free of such things.

Her point was that we need a more concerted effort of men talking to men, and men talking to boys, driving home the points of "no means no," and that it is never acceptable or justifiable to rape a woman.

That started me thinking about my own raising, and that of my son. Dad never told me in so many words that "no means no," or that I should never rape a woman. What he taught me was how to relate to a woman properly, and he did so by living it in front of his kids every single day. We saw his example in how he treated Mom, and in how he treated other women in our family and our social circle. I believe I offered a similar positive example of that for my own son. I see how he treats his girlfriend, and I am encouraged by the behavior he displays.

I started wondering if this is the big thing that is sorely lacking in many young men's lives today. Their parents are divorced, and the process was ugly. Mom and Dad remain angry and resentful of each other for many years, and despite the need to get along for even a short time for the sake of the children, they never really manage. The sons grow up without a solid example of the proper way for a man to treat a woman, and it can hinder their proper development into the kind of men that treat women properly because it's the right thing to do, and not just because of what laws might stipulate.

This is not to say that I think every boy that grows up without a solid fatherly example is going to be a rapist, or that having such a good example means the boy will never rape. Instead, it's a matter of improving the odds. Our children learn more by what we do than by what we say, and it's not enough that we just talk about the right way to treat women. We have to be living it.

I'm interested in your thoughts, points, counter-points, experiences, etc.

[Fadingman]

I saw a news article title today on nbcnews.com that said "As rape trial opens, prosecutor says girl was 'too impaired to say no'". It seems that in today's culture, anything goes as long as nobody hears a 'no'. There's no longer any moral self-restraint.

[mikeedwards]

The Bible does talk about the right way to raise a child and it is correct. Today kids are often shown so much grace that they go off into the world thinking they cannot get in trouble or do no wrong. I think balance is important in rasing kids and the foundation presented in scripture. However in the end, everyone has a conscience and know that forcing someone into relations agaist their will is wrong. If they are confused we just need to ask them how they would feel if an unwanted person forced themselves on them. Immediately they will know it is wrong.

In Romans it says no man can say that God does not exist and get away with it in the end. Everyone knows it is just that some suppress the truth, denial so they feel better while sinning. The two reasons are creation and conscience. Nobody is going to be able to make a defendiable stand that they thought rape was okay no matter how they were brought up.

I will say that man will continue to try though in this life. Those who reject Christ are bent on comforting themselves and justifing their actions. Just like Adam did when he said - "The woman you gave me gave me fruit and I did eat." Adam blamed Eve and God in a vain attempt to shift Gods gaze away from him.

[Hoomi]

Yeah, it's difficult to imagine any young man that has grown up in the U.S. being able to drop a "date rape" drug into a woman's drink, and not knowing that what they are doing is wrong.

I don't think it helps, either, that much of our entertainment media tends to over-emphasize the sexual nature of rape, and downplays the violent nature of it. Rape scenes in movies all too often are done in a manner that tends to tittilate, rather than disgust. They are used as an excuse to show bare flesh, and that tends to mire the message inside the mind of some people. Rape should be repulsive to us. It should anger us, and incite a desire to see justice done, not excite us and feed our libido.

[Shann]

I know this is for the guys and I usually wouldn't venture in, but when I saw the title I had to read. I did my blog contest about a girl getting raped at college. My son called me a week or two ago at 11:30 pm, my heart sank because I figured something was wrong. He had spent the last few hours with a friend who had been date raped and was calling me to thank me for raising him right. It had been no secret that I wanted all girls. I sobbed when I found out I was having a boy because the thought of bringing another man into the world really bothered me. I hadn't a good track record and just thought that some day this baby would hurt a female. Then God whispered in my ear telling me, I could teach him to be a gentle man and a gentleman. I guess I did my job. There aren't many 22 yo guys who would call their mom and say the beautiful things he said to me. I may have wanted a little girl, but God had huge plans for my little boy. Now he is at Duke's School of Divinity and has started the process to become an ordained UMC minister. I am so glad God followed His agenda and not mine. okay I'm leaving but I wanted to share that with you.

[JosephTyler]

We have to have this discussion because society at large has move the border of acceptable sexual conduct; it has receded so far that many states are not instituting sex ed at the kinder garden level. Once upon a time not so long ago young people would behave irresponsibly in the backseat of a car and it was frowned up by society and the weight heavy if a pregnancy resulted. However that scenario is accepted, expected and provision of contraception and protection even provided.

So instead of reinforcing the Biblical standard of a not violating a marriage bed. We need to have discussions with our sons about not violating another human being.

I don't mean to suggest that rape was rare or non-existent before our modern licentious era. But the green light that this behavior largely enjoys can not have helped the problem in anyway at best and seems to have tossed a stumbling block in the path of the youth as well.