I have walked down that path, kicking and struggling. Wanting my own way only to find that in the brokeness of surrender the peace, healing and quiteness my inner man fought so hard against. What a wonderful God He is that would stay with us through our "self-ness", knowing what we do not while in the midst of our sturggle. I find myself fighting a little less, willing a little more. I am learning to give my heart, soul and mind to my Lord. Perhaps by the time I am called off this world I will not be fighting and kicking, but surrender peacefully, letting go.