To view this notification widget you need to have JavaScript enabled. This notification widget was easily created with NotifySnack.
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join Login
My Account
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  




The HOME for Christian writers!
The Home for Christian Writers!

Forums

This area is only a small portion of FaithWriters. The main site can be joined HERE.
Shop & Save to SUPPORT FaithWriters.
Upgrade to SUPPORT FaithWriters.

Be a Better Writer--RHYMING BEYOND THE BASICS

These lessons, by one of our most consistent FaithWriters' Challenge Champions, should not be missed. So we're making a permanent home for them here.

Moderators: mikeedwards, glorybee

User avatar
glorybee
Moderator
Moderator
 
Posts: 6235
Joined: Thu Nov 10, 2005 11:46 pm
Location: Michigan

Be a Better Writer--RHYMING BEYOND THE BASICS

Postby glorybee » Sat Jun 21, 2014 8:43 am

You all know what rhymes are—words that have the same ending sounds. We start teaching rhymes when our children are very young, and for most of us, rhyming is a pretty basic concept. I’m not going to teach you about bat, fat, cat…you don’t need it. Lessons on rhyme scheme and slant rhyme will come shortly.

What I will do is to suggest a few ways of rhyming that might not have occurred to you, and to implore you to re-think some of your current rhyming practices.

Regrettably, many amateur poets rarely get beyond the bat, fat, cat mode of rhyming. I was doing some research for something later on in this lesson, and I came across an interesting bit of information: about 99% of rhymed poetry is rejected by publishers of poetry. This is because a) the current state of literary poetry calls for free verse, and b) most rhymed poetry just isn’t sophisticated enough.

I checked through some back weeks of the Weekly Challenge. It only took me a few minutes to find eight poems that rhymed love and above, a particularly tempting rhyme for Christian poets, but considerably overdone. And a substantial majority of the other rhymes I encountered were exact, 1-syllable rhymes.

Think about these alternatives to “fat/cat” syndrome:

1. Rhyme a 2-syllable word with two 1-syllable words. The last time I ran a class on rhyme, someone posted a witty little quatrain that rhymed diet with try it. That’s the sort of thing I’m talking about here. For this (and for my other tips) RhymeZone.com is a great resource. It will suggest words of 1, 2, 3, or more syllables for the word that you input. Play around with that, and don't always feel that rhymes must be one word-to-one word.

2. Rhyme words of more than one syllable with each other. I once wrote a little limerick for a college class in which the rhyme for lines 3 and 4 was the words gazebo and placebo, and another little poem that used Glasgow, fiasco, and Tabasco.

3. An extension of point #2: rhyme interesting words. In fact, your rhymes should possibly be the most interesting words in each line, to counteract that “predictability” factor. If I’m reading a rhymed poem about a cute little kid, and I come across a line that ends with joy, I’m pretty sure that the next line is going to end with boy. Won’t I be delighted, then, when instead the line ends with destroy?

To find examples of #1, 2, and 3, I looked back at some of my poems from the Writing Challenge, and found these rhymed words and phrases:

veins/reins
revived/thrived
bit of string/sheltering
domicile/for a while
blessed/distressed
cease/release
metaphor/have in store
request/processed
vulgarity/barbarity
left/bereft
only three/playfully

4. As much as it kills you, consider an inexact rhyme. I’ll be writing about that in more detail in a few weeks…so just let the concept of imperfect rhymes simmer on the back burner for a while.

A rhyming trick to be avoided is the forced rhyme. That’s a rhyme put into a poem solely for the purpose of rhyming a word already there, or a rhyme that only works after a bit of mangling of English syntax.

Do any of you remember folk-rock band The Turtles? If you do, you’ll remember their song “Happy Together” from the mid-60s. Yes, I’m old. Anyway…the refrain had this little bit of rhyme:

So happy together
How is the weather


Now that song was a huge hit, and I loved it, but even as a very pedantic young teen, I remember thinking that it was a ridiculous lyric. What did the weather have to do with anything? Nothing—it was only there to rhyme with together.

This is something I’ve touched on just about every time I’ve done a class that’s purely poetry-related: when I’m wearing my judge’s hat, and I come across a rhymed poem, I look for far more than just rhymes. I look for poetic sophistication, which includes:

~high-quality, unpredictable and unforced rhymes
~consistency of meter, especially in a fresh, original pattern
~poetic “goodies”: metaphor, imagery, alliteration, onomatopoeia, etc.


HOMEWORK:
Write a bit of poetry that contains some great rhyming. A 4- or 8- line poem is plenty.

OR respond to something I’ve written about in this class.

OR give us your thoughts on the use of rhyme in your work or in that of a favorite poet of yours.

OR ask a question about writing good rhymes.
Jan Ackerson

User avatar
Verna
Pencil Plus (Over 500 Posts)
Pencil Plus (Over 500 Posts)
 
Posts: 4588
Joined: Mon Feb 26, 2007 9:10 pm
Location: NC

Re: Be a Better Writer--RHYMING BEYOND THE BASICS

Postby Verna » Sat Jun 21, 2014 10:33 am

Love the ideas here. Looking through my poetry collection, I see far too many examples of "lazy rhymes."

While leafing through the pages of the Bible,
Some people there reminded me of me.
I guess I shouldn’t find that too surprising.
Our common bond's one of humanity.
Verna

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine...
Proverb 17:22

Facebook author page: Verna Cole Mitchell
http://www.magnificomanuscripts.com/

User avatar
glorybee
Moderator
Moderator
 
Posts: 6235
Joined: Thu Nov 10, 2005 11:46 pm
Location: Michigan

Re: Be a Better Writer--RHYMING BEYOND THE BASICS

Postby glorybee » Sat Jun 21, 2014 11:36 am

Verna wrote:Love the ideas here. Looking through my poetry collection, I see far too many examples of "lazy rhymes."

While leafing through the pages of the Bible,
Some people there reminded me of me.
I guess I shouldn’t find that too surprising.
Our common bond's one of humanity.


I hope you don't think this is an example of a "lazy rhyme!"

me of me/humanity

...is superb!
Jan Ackerson

User avatar
dmbowman
Pencil 1 (1-49 Posts)
Pencil 1 (1-49 Posts)
 
Posts: 47
Joined: Fri Apr 18, 2014 12:10 am

Re: Be a Better Writer--RHYMING BEYOND THE BASICS

Postby dmbowman » Sat Jun 21, 2014 11:41 am

I have never attempted poetry.
Didn’t feel I had it in me, you see.
Once I’ve read and studied all Jan’s lessons,
My talent will be as sound as caissons!

:lol:

User avatar
glorybee
Moderator
Moderator
 
Posts: 6235
Joined: Thu Nov 10, 2005 11:46 pm
Location: Michigan

Re: Be a Better Writer--RHYMING BEYOND THE BASICS

Postby glorybee » Sat Jun 21, 2014 11:50 am

dmbowman wrote:I have never attempted poetry.
Didn’t feel I had it in me, you see.
Once I’ve read and studied all Jan’s lessons,
My talent will be as sound as caissons!

:lol:


Cute, Diane!
Jan Ackerson

User avatar
Cinnamon Bear
Pencil 6 (300-499 Posts)
Pencil 6 (300-499 Posts)
 
Posts: 364
Joined: Fri Nov 03, 2006 12:35 am
Location: Massachusetts

Re: Be a Better Writer--RHYMING BEYOND THE BASICS

Postby Cinnamon Bear » Sat Jun 21, 2014 11:58 am

Off the top of my head:

Dear Sir: You must be more meticulous.
Your rhyming is really ridiculous.
Rhyming boy, toy, and joy
Serves just to annoy.
Of your talent, I have great suspiciousness.

Cinnamon Bear :)

User avatar
swfdoc1
Pencil Plus (Over 500 Posts)
Pencil Plus (Over 500 Posts)
 
Posts: 884
Joined: Fri Nov 28, 2008 10:31 pm

Re: Be a Better Writer--RHYMING BEYOND THE BASICS

Postby swfdoc1 » Sat Jun 21, 2014 12:16 pm

No homework yet. Just popping in to say congrats on making the cover of the new Challenge book, Simple Pleasures!
Steve
nlf.net
________
"When the Round Table is broken every man must follow Galahad or Mordred; middle
things are gone." C.S. Lewis
“The chief purpose of life … is to increase according to our capacity our knowledge of God by all the means we have, and to be moved by it to praise and thanks. To do as we say in the Gloria in Excelsis ... We praise you, we call you holy, we worship you, we proclaim your glory, we thank you for the greatness of your splendor.” J.R.R. Tolkien

User avatar
glorybee
Moderator
Moderator
 
Posts: 6235
Joined: Thu Nov 10, 2005 11:46 pm
Location: Michigan

Re: Be a Better Writer--RHYMING BEYOND THE BASICS

Postby glorybee » Sat Jun 21, 2014 12:22 pm

Cinnamon Bear wrote:Off the top of my head:

Dear Sir: You must be more meticulous.
Your rhyming is really ridiculous.
Rhyming boy, toy, and joy
Serves just to annoy.
Of your talent, I have great suspiciousness.

Cinnamon Bear :)


Delightful!
Jan Ackerson

User avatar
glorybee
Moderator
Moderator
 
Posts: 6235
Joined: Thu Nov 10, 2005 11:46 pm
Location: Michigan

Re: Be a Better Writer--RHYMING BEYOND THE BASICS

Postby glorybee » Sat Jun 21, 2014 12:22 pm

swfdoc1 wrote:No homework yet. Just popping in to say congrats on making the cover of the new Challenge book, Simple Pleasures!


It's amazing what photoshop can do.
Jan Ackerson

User avatar
swfdoc1
Pencil Plus (Over 500 Posts)
Pencil Plus (Over 500 Posts)
 
Posts: 884
Joined: Fri Nov 28, 2008 10:31 pm

Re: Be a Better Writer--RHYMING BEYOND THE BASICS

Postby swfdoc1 » Sat Jun 21, 2014 12:40 pm

Wow! Photoshopping AND spelling your name correctly--it doesn't get any better than that!
Steve
nlf.net
________
"When the Round Table is broken every man must follow Galahad or Mordred; middle
things are gone." C.S. Lewis
“The chief purpose of life … is to increase according to our capacity our knowledge of God by all the means we have, and to be moved by it to praise and thanks. To do as we say in the Gloria in Excelsis ... We praise you, we call you holy, we worship you, we proclaim your glory, we thank you for the greatness of your splendor.” J.R.R. Tolkien

User avatar
Verna
Pencil Plus (Over 500 Posts)
Pencil Plus (Over 500 Posts)
 
Posts: 4588
Joined: Mon Feb 26, 2007 9:10 pm
Location: NC

Re: Be a Better Writer--RHYMING BEYOND THE BASICS

Postby Verna » Sat Jun 21, 2014 6:48 pm

Nope that homework example was not one of my dry/sky/try/fry ones!
Verna

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine...
Proverb 17:22

Facebook author page: Verna Cole Mitchell
http://www.magnificomanuscripts.com/

User avatar
swfdoc1
Pencil Plus (Over 500 Posts)
Pencil Plus (Over 500 Posts)
 
Posts: 884
Joined: Fri Nov 28, 2008 10:31 pm

Re: Be a Better Writer--RHYMING BEYOND THE BASICS

Postby swfdoc1 » Sat Jun 21, 2014 7:55 pm

Here's a song lyric that has a couple of wonderful rhymes. I choose it because I've always been captivated by the the line about the key. The song is Souvenirs by Dan Fogelberg. He wrote it when he was 19 or 20!

Souvenirs

Here is a poem that my lady sent down
Some morning while I was away
Wrote on the back of a leaf that she found
Somewhere around Monterey

And here is the key to a house far away
Where I used to live as a child
They tore down the building when I moved away
And left the key unreconciled

(Chorus)
And down in the canyon the smoke starts to rise
It rides on the wind 'til it reaches your eyes
When faced with the past the strongest man cries

(Repeat Chorus)

And here is a sunrise to set on your sill
The ghosts of the dawn moving near
They pass through your sorrow and leave you quite still...
Sitting among souvenirs
Steve
nlf.net
________
"When the Round Table is broken every man must follow Galahad or Mordred; middle
things are gone." C.S. Lewis
“The chief purpose of life … is to increase according to our capacity our knowledge of God by all the means we have, and to be moved by it to praise and thanks. To do as we say in the Gloria in Excelsis ... We praise you, we call you holy, we worship you, we proclaim your glory, we thank you for the greatness of your splendor.” J.R.R. Tolkien

User avatar
glorybee
Moderator
Moderator
 
Posts: 6235
Joined: Thu Nov 10, 2005 11:46 pm
Location: Michigan

Re: Be a Better Writer--RHYMING BEYOND THE BASICS

Postby glorybee » Sat Jun 21, 2014 8:10 pm

swfdoc1 wrote:Souvenirs

Here is a poem that my lady sent down
Some morning while I was away
Wrote on the back of a leaf that she found
Somewhere around Monterey

And here is the key to a house far away
Where I used to live as a child
They tore down the building when I moved away
And left the key unreconciled

(Chorus)
And down in the canyon the smoke starts to rise
It rides on the wind 'til it reaches your eyes
When faced with the past the strongest man cries

(Repeat Chorus)

And here is a sunrise to set on your sill
The ghosts of the dawn moving near
They pass through your sorrow and leave you quite still...
Sitting among souvenirs


You're right! I like

was away/Monterey
as a child/unreconciled
moving near/souvenirs

Really well done rhymes, and lots of other good stuff, too...great imagery, emotional content. Thanks for sharing it.
Jan Ackerson

User avatar
beff
Pencil Plus (Over 500 Posts)
Pencil Plus (Over 500 Posts)
 
Posts: 1296
Joined: Fri May 18, 2007 4:24 am
Location: northeastern AZ

Re: Be a Better Writer--RHYMING BEYOND THE BASICS

Postby beff » Sun Jun 22, 2014 12:38 am

a blast from my past (old challenge entry) :)

The chef compiled sizzling books,
Volumes of recipes,
That utilized ingredients
Like Brie and Cottage Cheese.
The latest cookbook she composed
Was called “Scottish Cuisine,”
Had recipes like Cullen Skink
And Mussels Aberdeen
Beth LaBuff

..in these last days He has spoken to us by His Son... Hebrews 1:2

User avatar
glorybee
Moderator
Moderator
 
Posts: 6235
Joined: Thu Nov 10, 2005 11:46 pm
Location: Michigan

Re: Be a Better Writer--RHYMING BEYOND THE BASICS

Postby glorybee » Sun Jun 22, 2014 7:52 am

Wonderful to have you chime in, Beth! This is an area that you're particularly gifted in--do you have anything to add to the lesson?
Jan Ackerson

Next

Return to Jan's Writing Basics

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google Adsense [Bot], Shann and 1 guest


© MeasurelessMedia. All rights reservedTerms of Service



Jesus - True for You But not for Me      Website Builder     Build Website     Is Jesus God?    
Does God exist?     Build a writers website     Does truth exist?     Website online in minutes