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I'm back

These lessons, by one of our most consistent FaithWriters' Challenge Champions, should not be missed. So we're making a permanent home for them here.

Moderators: mikeedwards, glorybee

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choosingjoy
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Re: I'm back

Postby choosingjoy » Sat Jul 20, 2013 3:53 pm

Haaa! Glad that is cleared up. I was confused. :?

I do well remember when addiePleasance came into the Challenge, blowing people's minds (as well as their placements. lol) Should have suspected, at least, but didn't.

Again, welcome back--by any name.
A child of the King!
Genia

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Shann
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Re: I'm back

Postby Shann » Sun Jul 21, 2013 6:20 am

Oh that Addie is hysterical! People had all kinds of ideas. One was maybe it was Bea. I know that she was quite impressive! :D
Shann

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Sometimes God calms the storm; Sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child

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Pat
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Re: I'm back

Postby Pat » Sun Jul 21, 2013 8:42 pm

Jan, yaaaaay!

My need -- Alexander McCall Smith can seamlessly shift from one POV to another from three different people on one page and it works. The reader doesn't get all jumbly in the head.

The only series I've read of his is called, "The No.1 Ladies Detective Agency" if you'd like to see what I'm talking about.

And it could very well be that he is not shifting but something else I don't recognize.

But I'd sure like to know how he does it.

:superhappy

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rsw2007
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Re: I'm back

Postby rsw2007 » Fri Nov 15, 2013 10:36 am

Hi Jan,

I am new to this forum but I will be checking in more frequently.

I was looking for any posts by you on the dreaded passive sentence. When I do a spell & grammar check, it also shows the percentage of passive sentences in the writing. I need help in recognizing and re-writing those kinds of sentences because my percentage can get up there.

Thanks for any help you can give in this area. :bow
JackiB

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me
Philippians 4:13

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glorybee
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Re: I'm back

Postby glorybee » Fri Nov 15, 2013 11:36 am

rsw2007 wrote:Hi Jan,

I am new to this forum but I will be checking in more frequently.

I was looking for any posts by you on the dreaded passive sentence. When I do a spell & grammar check, it also shows the percentage of passive sentences in the writing. I need help in recognizing and re-writing those kinds of sentences because my percentage can get up there.

Thanks for any help you can give in this area. :bow


Hello there!

Thanks for popping in. I try to post new lessons every Sunday evening or Monday morning, and I look forward to your participation.

I had some things to say about passive voice in this lesson: viewtopic.php?f=67&t=37391

Scroll down a bit and you'll see what I had to say in a response to another poster, and then go on to read what my friend Steve Fitschen added in the next response.

I'll just add that those spell/grammar checks do a fine job of counting "was" and "were," but they lack the human component of recognizing when those words are ACTUALLY passive voice, and also of recognizing when using them is part of the WRITER'S voice. For that, you need a human reader who can give you feedback. As I said in the link above, not all passive voice is bad writing. I'd love it if you'd care to share a snippet (a few paragraphs, perhaps) of writing that you think might be too passive. Perhaps I can give you more specific feedback, if you're willing.
Jan Ackerson

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rsw2007
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Re: I'm back - passive voice

Postby rsw2007 » Fri Nov 15, 2013 4:58 pm

Thanks for responding to my request. I'll take a look at the link.

Below is the piece I did for a devotional blog. Spell/grammar said 11% passive. I'll appreciate your comments and suggestions. Thanks again.


We are fascinated with royalty. Over two billion people watched the recent British royal wedding. The pageantry is attractive but the need for a king has a long history. In the Old Testament, the Israelites rejected God’s authority in favor of having a king like other nations. God allowed it but the error was repeated centuries later.

In a small Judean town, a king was quietly born into the care of a carpenter and his wife. At the appointed time, he revealed himself to save the world. He claimed to be the Son of God and was hated for it. Death was the only solution for this offense. The silent king stood before the ruling governor as his accusers alleged he was a threat to Rome. The Emperor Caesar was their king, not this man from Galilee. The governor sent him to die nailed to a cross with a title for all to see – JESUS OF NAZARETH THE KING OF THE JEWS. Again God was thrown aside for a worldly king.

But this crucified King did not remain in the grave. This Almighty King defeated death and lives in Heaven waiting to return to claim His earthly Kingdom. Through the ages His people shared the Good News about Him. He is a King who can forgive and forget sins, bring peace to a troubled heart, restore health to a diseased body and more. No ruling monarch can do that. They sit on a throne because of their bloodline. Our King sits on His throne because He shed His Blood for us – JESUS THE MESSIAH, THE KING OF KINGS.
JackiB

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me
Philippians 4:13

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glorybee
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Re: I'm back - passive voice

Postby glorybee » Fri Nov 15, 2013 5:33 pm

rsw2007 wrote:Thanks for responding to my request. I'll take a look at the link.

Below is the piece I did for a devotional blog. Spell/grammar said 11% passive. I'll appreciate your comments and suggestions. Thanks again.


We are fascinated with royalty. Over two billion people watched the recent British royal wedding. The pageantry is attractive but the need for a king has a long history. In the Old Testament, the Israelites rejected God’s authority in favor of having a king like other nations. God allowed it but the error was repeated centuries later.

In a small Judean town, a king was quietly born into the care of a carpenter and his wife. At the appointed time, he revealed himself to save the world. He claimed to be the Son of God and was hated for it. Death was the only solution for this offense. The silent king stood before the ruling governor as his accusers alleged he was a threat to Rome. The Emperor Caesar was their king, not this man from Galilee. The governor sent him to die nailed to a cross with a title for all to see – JESUS OF NAZARETH THE KING OF THE JEWS. Again God was thrown aside for a worldly king.

But this crucified King did not remain in the grave. This Almighty King defeated death and lives in Heaven waiting to return to claim His earthly Kingdom. Through the ages His people shared the Good News about Him. He is a King who can forgive and forget sins, bring peace to a troubled heart, restore health to a diseased body and more. No ruling monarch can do that. They sit on a throne because of their bloodline. Our King sits on His throne because He shed His Blood for us – JESUS THE MESSIAH, THE KING OF KINGS.


Jacki, I wouldn't fret about passive voice at all, based on this sample. Most of the time that you use 'was,' it is as a helping verb (as in the phrase "was repeated" or "was born"). In addition, you use plenty of fine, active verbs (rejected, defeated, restore, thrown). The piece is vibrant with action--you're a fine writer.

This is why I don't use those tools on my computer--they are really quite poor at actually interpreting what a writer has done. Keep up the good work!
Jan Ackerson

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rsw2007
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Re: I'm back

Postby rsw2007 » Sat Nov 16, 2013 11:35 pm

Thanks so much for reviewing this piece, and thank you for your complement.

It's good to hear you say that you ignore the spell/grammar tool. I've heard other grammarians (is that a real word?? :lol: ) or rather read grammar columns that have said the same thing. Now that I am writing more I am beginning to see and appreciate the need for a good editor.

This has encouraged me to "hear" my writing more but get another's "eye" on the details. I will definitely be going through your other posts.


God bless the gifts he has given you. :superhappy
JackiB

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me
Philippians 4:13

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