Posted: Mon Oct 05, 2009 6:59 pm
Very nice, Cat! I really like it when the last line is just one or two words, likes yours and phee's. This is such a pretty word picture!CatLin wrote: sunset on water
rainbow colors fill my eyes
a kaleidoscope
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Very nice, Cat! I really like it when the last line is just one or two words, likes yours and phee's. This is such a pretty word picture!CatLin wrote: sunset on water
rainbow colors fill my eyes
a kaleidoscope
Perfect, phee! You've got the syllables down pat, and I really like that your poem makes the reader think: what does that image have to do with serendipity?pheeweed wrote:Sunlight on water
Sparkles across a puddle.
Serendipity
Love the mood of this poem--very "wind in the face-ish".lthomas wrote:Leg over saddle
Soul freed from earthly tethers
Eden’s air I breath
Esther, this is a really nice first attempt! You followed all of the haiku rules. (That first word should be "Daisies", though...no apostrophe.)Esther wrote:Daisy's everywhere
Green grass, growing very tall
Spring is in the air
'kahoosbt wrote:Patiently he waits
For his web to jump and dance.
He cocoons his prey.
Also a question--how should haiku be punctuated? Did I do it correctly, above? If not, how should it have been done?
Here are a few things that I try to do with serious haiku. The reference to seasons can be tricky if I am not doing a strictly nature theme, but I include it somehow and it usually forces me to produce a haiku truer to the form in a second way: One of the “requirements” of a traditional haiku is that all the language be objective. This is a key distinction between a haiku and a tanka which allows subjective words (and which I noticed you will cover later). Because I can only state or describe my season word (and because, as far as I know, it "can’t" be the name of a season), I have to consider what my reader will draw from my season word and how I can relate that to my main thought.glorybee wrote:As always, I really hope to get additional insights from you. What have I missed? What comments do you have about haiku? What questions do you have? Let’s talk.[/b]
Here it is:BreathFreshAir wrote: (although a 50 word haiku with a 100 word footnote won't go down well).