Rebecky wrote:*hugs pup*
I did not ignore your post either Becky. I welcomed you with exclamation points. I love you dearly and if you go back and count the number of times you'll see how often I mention you.
In fact, I love you enough that I decided not to keep begging you to come back. I've been told I nag so I was trying to let up. As soon as you posted I commented as did Pup.
This is meant to be honest to help me grow and not let things bubble inside. I see that you were obviously looking for attention and I gave you some and explained why your name hasn't been mentioned recently.
I know you'll probably unfriendly me for saying this, but what you won't know is I'll cry when you do so.
It's easy to focus on the world around us. Today is the anniversary of my mom's death and I have always struggled during this time. Pup has a hard time in July and we did what little we could to comfort him. I said a few words and then spent the rest of time in prayer.
Believe it or not, I've been thinking and praying for you from July 27 on. I almost mentioned something here, but since you hadn't been in I didn't. I did pray.
Even during some of my difficult times I feel like my problems rank quite low. I know the end of July brings back painful memories for you. I do the most I can which is pray.
I would be delighted to see you post and write on a regular basis, but I feel you beat yourself up when I suggest it. I've practically begged you to consider illustrating for my next picture book.
I've sent you texts in the past, but it's hard when it feels like you don't care about me or others. Several people recently posted hard times either they or someone near to them are going through. Perhaps, even though Pup, Jay, Rachel, and myself all commented on your post, if you had come in like :
Hi guys, I haven't been on in a while, but I really miss you all so much. Rachel, I can totally relate to your daughter. The only thing worse than being sick, is being sick away from home.
Allison, I'm so sorry about what's going on. It must be so scary no matter how far away.
Jay, I hope your breathing stuff is better. Not being able to breathe is a horrible feeling.
Hey Pup is your back and legs still hurting? At least you have those cute little girl make you smile. Dogs always look great when smiling and wagging their tails.
Life has been really hard and busy. I'm spending a lot of time helping my grandparents and been feeling good down and I knew a dose of the rest stop would perk me up.
Still, since so many people have left, you still o ly would have gotten responses from Pup, Jay, Rachel, and me, but mine would have had a different tone to it. I did try to joke, but then I cried. I feel no matter what I do, it's never good enough. I usually have good intentions, but still... I desire be great needed and loved probably way too much. I'm trying on working on it but it's hard. Not only am I missing Mom, but I'm reading my Purple Sky story today in 2 churches. I've been throwing up since Friday, have a migraine, and look awful, but people are counting on me. I was supposed to do it last Sunday, but was bailed on. M and Andy and Lyd were all coming out to hear it, my in-laws were coming to church too and Chris was going to go to both services as well as my Lil ole lady from Florida1. It was going to be hard enough to read the day before her aneurysms ruptured, but I'd have had support. Now no one is coming except sweet faithful Chris who decided to only attend one not both services. It's hard and I'm scared, but I believe good things will happen.
II do love you Becky and I miss you, especially when you are keeping Pup in check. I don't know what else to say. Or if it would even matter. If anyone is interested in my state of mind this week. My Challenge entry is Where GRIEF Lives