Pacific Coast Rest-Stop

[JesusPuppy]

Sorry if I offended, it just seemed wrong to ME.

Well, it is your heart with God that is important. As for how I see it, which doesn't matter much in the eturnal view, it seems more the changing of what God intended, from the natural to what seems un-natural. But like I said, that is seeing with my eyes and understanding, the Lord views the heart, and judges rightly.

You have always been "Tim" and always been a little zanny, and Tim you shall remain.

[BusBoss]

(((Hugs))) No offense taken I understand this is a huge change and it takes time to wrap your brain around it. I've been living as Tiffanie for 3 years and people who see me every day still use the other name.

I hesitated coming back under this name because it is so associated with the old name, but I am still me ... I still have the dame sense of humor and enjoy the same things. The biggest differences is that I will "go hormonal" on occasion now and I get to use the ladies room when I am out. They are so much nicer that those disgusting men's rooms

I do understand that some have an issue with transgender people for personal or moral reasons and I respect that. I just hope that I am still welcome here as I was when I was struggling with my identity, my relationship with God and with life in general.

[Shann]

Hey Tif! I'm so proud of you for sharing your beautiful self with us. I know it was a scary thing to do. You still have the same great sense of humor, writing talent, and empathetic heart. I will always love you.

When Tiff first told me of her new identity, I was blessed beyond belief. I felt honored that she trusted me. She's right, other than being a "bit" hormonal, you really would never see a huge difference (at least online). I think you are beautiful inside and out.

Even though I'll never understand what it's like to walk in your shoes (I've never worn heels, I'm too much of a klutz!), you helped me understand some of what it's been like for you and others whose skin doesn't necessarily fit their hearts and minds (Sorry that was a terrible way to put it. I blame sleep texting!)

I know popping in her must be scary, but I also hope this group of friends will embrace you. My heart is pounding for you right now.

No matter what others understand or believe, please know on the inside, Tiff is the same person we've known and loved as Tim. I believe Jesus understands how difficult this transition has been. I also believe God loves the person who makes up the essence of what we call a soul, not our temporary bodies.

I know this journey has been difficult, but I also believe that Tiff's relationship with God is at a level that she had dreamed of for decades. Forgive me for putting words in your mouth. I hope I'm not being too presumptive. I just want you to know that I will always love you and am here for you as you test these waters here at FW.


Man, Pup that job is such a roller coaster, I have the utmost respect for your tolerance! I wouldn't be nearly as calm if they kept jerking me around like that. But I have that red hair temper and have been known to throw things through windows! Teehee

So I didn't get the puppy yesterday. I let my fear win out. For 10 years or so I've been looking for this exact puppy. I've wanted one that will stay tiny, but allowed others to doubt my ability to care for her. I'm so sad I missed out on her. I am getting a different one next week, but instead of an estimated adult weight of 3 to 4 pounds, this one will be 6-7. Phin is what they call a throwback because the Pom was originally 20 pounds until after decades of breeding for a smaller dog.

I need Becky's advice about dealing with dogs the size of a Guinea pig. I want the puppy so bad, but maybe having the bigger one will still allow me to have her as a therapy dog that I can easily carry. Phin at 12-15 pounds is just to heavy for me to carry around like I want. Any advice?

[Sparrow]

Well, it is your heart with God that is important. As for how I see it, which doesn't matter much in the eturnal view, it seems more the changing of what God intended, from the natural to what seems un-natural. But like I said, that is seeing with my eyes and understanding, the Lord views the heart, and judges rightly.

The more I've researched and watched Tiffie's journey and researched into some other people's, it seems like it is likely a medical problem that is being fixed, at least in many of the cases. God did give us doctors and brains and such to work miracles like my mom getting a kidney transplant that gave her fifteen+ more years to live. One could say her living with someone else's organ in her was unnatural too. I don't pretend to understand it all or know what is always the right or wrong decision for someone else any more than any other human, but I know that love is never the wrong answer, at least.

Tiffie, I'm glad you came back to the thread. Welcome home.

I'm not around much these days either, due to health issues and family stress. Things have gotten a little calmer now that Mom is out of the hospital and a little more stabilized for now and doing better, and my oldest sister's separation hearing (due to abuse from her husband) is over and custody and such is decided for the summer for my nieces. Still lots going on, but not quite as urgently.

I'm headed back east again in a couple weeks. I'll see a pelvic floor specialist who specializes in my genetic disorder, Ehlers-Danlos. She'll be looking at how my gut and everything down there is affected by complications of the EDS. I'm supposed to be seeing a neuro-surgeon spinal specialist as well, because I have some major instability where my head connects to my neck and a lot of nerves and stuff run through there, but am having trouble getting the referral to go through. And of course I always see my normal EDS geneticist. So I'll be busy but will stay some extra time afterwards to spend time with my boyfriend Andy. I got a one-way ticket so I can stay longer if Mom is doing okay--hopefully at least two months there. I'm hoping it might work out to visit Shann on the way home again, but will depend on finances and our health.

Andy and I are starting a role playing game that is usually played live around a table, but we're going to do a version adapted to play on message boards. It reminds me a lot of our "Chat-a-Book" project where we met in a chat room and wrote out a book, ad libbing our character's lines. I'm going to be an Aarakocra, a bird-girl. A friend is drawing her for me, so I'll post a picture when she's done.

[JesusPuppy]

Bird is going to be a bird... sounds almost normal, but they need to come up with a better name for you condition it sounds odd. Like you have a problem with Eds. Good thing I go by Pup.

[BusBoss]

Thank you all so much I don't want to start a debate about if I am doing what's right or not. This is between me and God and everyone will have slightly different views on this.

Before I started on estrogen I had a full hormone blood panel done. My Testosterone level was many points below a "normal male" of my age. My estrogen level was in the low end of a normal female range. Ridding my body of testosterone and increasing the estrogen has made me mentally / emotionally feel much better.

I spent over 45 years having this angry feeling toward God, Now I feel closer than I ever have. None of this was an easy decision. I spent a long time crying and praying before I ever went into counseling. There are so many factors beyond what most people think about. It is expensive ... I risked losing everyone I love ... I risked my job ... I risked being assaulted for trying to be me. In the end my wife stayed with me and we are like best friends now. Most of my family loves and supports me. I have made many new friends I never would have met. Many drivers that worked at my yard became closer to me and showed me a lot of respect.

It seems like my employer is choosing to make my life more difficult. This saddens me because they state they strive to treat all equally.

A few family members have disowned me. They do not talk to me, nor do they want their children to talk to me ... but a few of their kids do

I know this is not easy to understand. I don't truly understand the why aspect of it, but I do understand that I am happy and closer to God.

I know some will not be able to accept me and that is fine. I respect that some will believe that I am sinning and not accept me as Tiffanie, and that is fine as well. I respect people staying true to their beliefs.

So this has officially become a ramble. I need to take my ADHD meds and get my brain to behave some

Feel free to send a pm (either here or on FB) if you have any questions. I would love to reconnect with everyone here.

I love you all. I've missed you.

[Shann]

I love you too and will always be here for you.

[Sparrow]

Tiffie, I'm sorry your boss and some of your family are giving you a hard time. Sounds like life in general is going better, though, and I'm happy for you.

Bird is going to be a bird... sounds almost normal, but they need to come up with a better name for you condition it sounds odd. Like you have a problem with Eds. Good thing I go by Pup.

Took me forever to get your joke. I kept trying to figure out how Aarakocra sounded like Eds. But for my genetic disease, I guess it's a problem with Eherlses and Danloses rather than Eds.

I wrote a bit of fiction the last couple days for the first time in... maybe a year or so? It flowed better than it has the last few times I've tried to write (often my cognitive symptoms just make it too frustrating). But since that wasn't frustrating, my word processor took up the slack. First it crashed and lost over an hour of my work, and worse, an hour of energy. It said it auto-saved and recovered it correctly, only to open a very blank page.

I rewrote it all and saved that, and then started shortening it and taking out bits, using "save as" to save the cropped version under a different title. But Andy thought I should keep the long version, so I went back to it, only to find that this time auto-save actually worked--too well! and it had auto saved the cropped version over the top of the long version so I lost that part too.

But you can read the first half of it here if you're interested in following the beginning of our role playing game: https://www.rpgcrossing.com/subscription.php

[BusBoss]

Tiffie, I'm sorry your boss and some of your family are giving you a hard time. Sounds like life in general is going better, though, and I'm happy for you.

Thanks. In the important ways things are much better.

I can't go into a lot of detail ... I have not mentioned this on Facebook or any other social site, but I have been off work since April due to a many back issues and a few other injuries. It is work related and I have a claim against my employer. This is why I cannot say much.

This is good in some ways because I have more time to write

I got contact lenses today. I am excited and happy about this.

[Shann]

Tiff how are your eyes doing? I know a few years ago there were concerns.

I'm getting my puppy this weekend. I think I'm going to name her Keehgan.

[BusBoss]

Everything is fine. The blood seeping onto the retina has stopped and the macular degeneration seems to have disappeared.

[Sparrow]

That's a praise for your eyes, Tiff! Sorry about your health issues though. I know how difficult that is.

Shann, yay on the puppy! You decided against Pherb or Ferb?

I have a family reunion on Saturday which should be fun, but tiring. With this week and the next few I will have gone out five times in a month, with one of those like a 15 hour (with layovers and such) trip across country. My health only tolerates about one or two outings a month without severe repercussions, so this'll be difficult. Would appreciate prayers if you think of it. Seems like I always end up having to do a bunch of unavoidable things right around when I fly.

[Shann]

I was going to name her Pherbi, nut everyone thought of the ugly toys and didn't like it.

[JesusPuppy]

It depends on the type of dog. If it is one of those "so ugly they are cute" puppy dogs, then why not call it Pherbi? But if it is one that will grow and grow untill it is a LARGE hairy beast that follows you around shedding... welll, call it Tiny or Little-bit. Just don't call it Mooshie.

That's like getting one of those Taco-Bell chow-wow dogs, and calling it Brutus or Titan.

[Shann]

I named her Luna. She's 20oz right now and is expected to be about 5 to 6 pounds. She's a Pomeranian like Phin. I was thinking of changing her name to Houdini because she can escape from everything. She gets out of her harness, crate, gates, gated in areas (by crawling through vents or under fridge. I love her though. She's doing pretty good with the house training. Any accident has been my fault. She loves Phin and the cats. Phin is super protective of her, which really surprises me. I worried he'd be a bit jealous.

I'd post a picture if I knew how, but that would frustrate me making me throw the computer through the window.