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U.S. Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans rowing towards Texas.
The Captain gets on the loud-hailer and shouts, "Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?"
One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and shouts,
"We are invading the United States of America to reclaim the territory taken by the USA during the 1800's."
The entire crew on the destroyer doubles over in laughter.
When the Captain finally catches his breath, he gets back on the loud-hailer and asks, "Just the four of you?"
The same Mexican stands up again and shouts, "No, we're the last four. The other 12 million are already there!"
A preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."
With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"
Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."
The preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy's ear, placed his other hand on top of Leroy's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a "blue streak" for Leroy, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"
Leroy answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til next week.
Painting the Church
There was a Scottish painter named Smokey MacGregor who was very
interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down
his paint to make it go a wee bit further.
As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually
the local church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside
of one of their biggest buildings.
Smokey put in a bid and, because his price was so low, he got the job.
So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks,
and buying the paint and yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with
Well, Smokey was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly
completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder,
the sky opened and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint
from all over the church and knocking Smokey clear off the scaffold to
land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles
of the thinned and useless paint.
Smokey was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty,
so he got down on his knees and cried:
"Oh God, Oh God, forgive me; what should I do?"
And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke.
(you're going to love this)
"Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"
"Blessed are the cracked, for they are the ones who let in the light."
Oh stop groaning! You know you're going to send this on!! )
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