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Southern Porch Extension

A place for general chat (non-writing related). Please keep political discussions to the relevant neighborhood forum.

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BettyDee
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Re: Southern Porch Extension

Postby BettyDee » Mon Mar 10, 2014 4:12 pm

Where am I? Well, had a busy weekend wit a belated birthday party for Don. I've also been trying to write, but I am SO stuck! Got a huge case of writer's block I just can't get around at the moment.

Chrissy, sounds like you are making progress on the place. Keep us updated.

Love all the jokes and puns. I've been sitting here reading and laughing the last ten minutes.In fact, it's birdie nap time here and I laughed so hard once or twice I was afraid I was going to wake them. I enjoy them, but they are like toddlers, so I enjoy the peace and quiet when they are resting.

Okay, not to be outdone:

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
"Why, of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks, "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Texas," replies the second man.
The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Texas too!
Let's have another round to Texas."
"Of course," says the second.
Curious, the first asks: "Where in Texas?"
"Houston," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it, Me too! Lets have another round of drinks
to Houston."
"Of course"
The second man can't help himself so he asks, "What school did you go too?"
"San Jacinto, replies the first man. "I graduated in '62"
"This is becoming unbelievable!!!" They say in union.
About that time, in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's up?" he asks the bartender.
Nothing much," replied the bartender. "The Johnson twins are
drunk again!"

A few west Texas weather jokes:

1. "It's been so dry that we got catfish in the creek three years old that haven't learned to swim yet."

2. "Moisture once got so scarce in southwest Texas they had to put stamps on letters with paperclips."

3. A visitor once asked, "Does it ever rain in Texas?"

A rancher quickly answered, "Yes, it does. Do you remember in the Bible where it rained for 40 days and 40 nights?"

The visitor replied, "Yes, I'm familiar with Noah's flood."

"Well," the rancher puffed up, "We got about two and a half inches of that."

4. "Saw a dog chasing a jackrabbit out in West Texas one day and it was so hot they both were walking."
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Edy
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Re: Southern Porch Extension

Postby Edy » Mon Mar 10, 2014 8:22 pm

Oh my, we filled up an entire page with giggles! Thanks everybody. A merry heart does good, like medicine, so we should all be in great shape by now. 8)
"Jesus Never Fails!" Love, Edy
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BeachGrandma
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Re: Southern Porch Extension

Postby BeachGrandma » Tue Mar 11, 2014 11:58 pm


I love you guys. You make me laugh my silly head off!

I've gotta share this with you. The funniest thing has happened with my 3rd grader grandson, Charles. He gets bored easily in school but still does very well. He never finishes his work in class because he plays with his pencil, day dreams, does anything but settle down and do his class work. About a week ago, he said to my son, Tim, "Daddy, will you buy me a red tie?" So they went to to the department store in nearby Wilmington and bought a spiffy red tie suitable for a boy. He goes to a Christian day school so the next morning he didn't dress in the standard school uniform (which is always khaki pants and a plain shirt). Instead he dressed in a white long sleeve shirt, red tie and a navy jacket. Tim complimented him but wondered how he would handle the dress code at school. But Charles went straight to the teacher and asked permission to start wearing a red tie. She told him it was ok for that day but she would talk to the headmaster about longer-term wear.

That day Charles finished all his classwork in record time, and was a teacher's dream. Finally, near the end of the day she talked to him privately and learned this from Charles: He was emulating one of the toys he plays with, a man who was a leader, who had authority and commanded respect. And he always wore a red tie.

We have had more fun with this but Charles is undeterred. He got permission from the headmaster to wear his little red tie every day and he wears it faithfully. He straightens his shoulders like a little soldier and in fact looks at himself in the mirror often to make sure his tie is straight and his hair isn't sticking up in some place.

It's almost like he set a standard of behavior and dress for himself, then rose to his own standard. My daughter-in-law-to-be is a licensed counselor and therapist and she is captivated by this whole scenario. I don't know how long it will continue but for now he's reaping very positive results from it, getting perfect grades, and to use a worn-out phrase, "has risen to the occasion" (though we had no idea he felt the need to).

These boys are so precious to us and bring so much joy and laughter to our home. We're so blessed
.
"O Jesus, Jesus, dearest Lord, forgive me if I say
For very love, thy sacred name, a thousand times a day.
O Jesus, Lord, with me abide; I rest in Thee whate'er betide.
Thy gracious smile is my reward. I love, I love Thee, Lord.


Mariane Holbrook

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BeachGrandma
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Re: Southern Porch Extension

Postby BeachGrandma » Wed Mar 12, 2014 10:30 am

Have you all read this? I love it !

DIVORCE SETTLEMENT

On the first day, he sadly packed his belongings into boxes, crates
and suitcases.

On the second day, he had the movers come and collect his things.

On the third day, he sat down for the last time at their beautiful
dining-room table, by candle-light; he put on some soft background
music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle
of spring-water.

When he'd finished, he went into each and every room and deposited a
few half-eaten shrimps dipped in caviar into the hollow center of the
curtain rods.

He then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

On the fourth day, the wife came back with her new boyfriend, and at
first all was bliss.

Then, slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing-out the place.

Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to
set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a
few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool
carpeting. Nothing worked!People stopped coming over to visit.

Repairmen refused to work in the house.The maid quit.

Finally, they couldn't take the stench any longer, and decided they
had to move, but a month later - even though they'd cut their price in
half - they couldn't find a buyer for such a stinky house.

Word got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to return
their calls.

Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow
a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.


Then the ex called the woman and asked how things were going. She told
him the saga of the rotting house. He listened politely and said that
he missed his old home terribly and would be willing to reduce his
divorce settlement in exchange for having the house.

Knowing he could have no idea how bad the smell really was, she agreed
on a price that was only 1/10 nth of what the house had been worth ...
but only if he would sign the papers that very day.

He agreed, and within two hours her lawyers delivered the completed paperwork.

A week later the woman and her boyfriend stood smiling as they watched
the moving company pack everything to take to their new home ... and
just to spite the ex-husband, they even took the curtain rods !!!

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU...?

[/i]
"O Jesus, Jesus, dearest Lord, forgive me if I say
For very love, thy sacred name, a thousand times a day.
O Jesus, Lord, with me abide; I rest in Thee whate'er betide.
Thy gracious smile is my reward. I love, I love Thee, Lord.


Mariane Holbrook

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Edy
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Re: Southern Porch Extension

Postby Edy » Wed Mar 12, 2014 10:54 am

I love both your stories, BeachGrandma, the true one and the funny one. Very clever!

We're off to help serve at a funeral at church, this morning. TTYL!
"Jesus Never Fails!" Love, Edy
The Gospel is such Good News even Christians don't believe it!
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Re: Southern Porch Extension

Postby BeachGrandma » Wed Mar 12, 2014 12:33 pm

Edy, when I was about 4, Mother took me next door to "view" the body of our neighbor, Marie, who was laid out elaborately in their parlor, replete with wall to ceiling flowers. I had asked Mother to take me. The place was full because Marie was well-known and loved. Mother said she picked me up to look at Marie in the satin-lined, elegant casket. I stared at her for a long time, then Mother said I turned to all the people tightly filling the room. In a dramatic voice I said, "When I die, I'm going to lie there with my hands folded like Marie and wear my pink dress. As soon as everyone starts crying and says, "Poor Mariane, we're going to miss her," I'll sit straight up and smile and say, "Just kidding, everyone!" and jump out of the casket."

Mother said everyone laughed out loud but her. She quickly whisked me out the door and home where she gave me a finger-pointing-in-my-face-lecture about being respectful of the dead.

Funny thing is, I remember doing this and even remember feeling it was inappropriate, but at the same time I felt it important to change all the tears in the room to laughter.

I think I humiliated my mom a lot. :?
"O Jesus, Jesus, dearest Lord, forgive me if I say
For very love, thy sacred name, a thousand times a day.
O Jesus, Lord, with me abide; I rest in Thee whate'er betide.
Thy gracious smile is my reward. I love, I love Thee, Lord.


Mariane Holbrook

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BeachGrandma
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Re: Southern Porch Extension

Postby BeachGrandma » Wed Mar 12, 2014 2:23 pm

Ok, tell me if I'm wrong here. I've collected Amish memorabilia for about 30 years, ever since visiting some family members in central Pennsylvania. I even bought a gorgeous hand-made quilt from an Amish lady which is to die for, as well as two Amish dolls that stand 3 feet tall which I bought an estate sale. I have so much Amish stuff you can't imagine.

But my feelings about the Amish have changed and I have quietly packed away my Amish collection.

When the terrible slaughter of innocent Amish children in 2006 took place, the entire country wept. I was one of them. It was a meaningless tragedy beyond words. One year later the Amish held a memorial service to which the grieving widow of the murderer was invited. She was showered with love and understanding and the promise of forgiveness by the Amish to the shooter himself. It was a beautiful occasion to later read about.

But that same level of understanding and forgiveness did not translate into forgiveness for those Amish family members, especially the young adults, who almost every day
decide to leave the tightly-knit communities and become more integrated into the world around them.

They are still shunned, they are still ex-communicated, they are still forbidden entrance into their family's homes, their lives, their Sunday gatherings. Some who want to attend college and become physicians, teachers, businessmen are given no support; worse, they can't talk to their families any more, at any time, about anything. They are dead to their unforgiving, adamant families.

Was their memorial service a year after the school shootings nothing more than a publicity event? Were the Amish communities really showering forgiveness on the murderer or was it a carefully-planned, but meaningless display?

From what I've read, nothing has changed about their feelings toward their own grown sons and daughters who have ventured out on their own. Shunning is anti-Biblical, it is unbelievably harsh and it is permanent.

I put away my collection of Amish memorabilia and no one noticed. One of these days perhaps I can find a buyer. I feel sad about it but keeping them seemed to be a stamp of approval for their shunning that is still prevalent, still destroying families, and is still is breaking lives and hearts.

Do you see where I'm coming from or is this unforgiveness toward the Amish on my own part?
"O Jesus, Jesus, dearest Lord, forgive me if I say
For very love, thy sacred name, a thousand times a day.
O Jesus, Lord, with me abide; I rest in Thee whate'er betide.
Thy gracious smile is my reward. I love, I love Thee, Lord.


Mariane Holbrook

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Verna
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Re: Southern Porch Extension

Postby Verna » Wed Mar 12, 2014 2:26 pm

Mariane, you must have been a delight as a child--as you are now! Little Charles is one wise little boy. I'm loving the humor on here. I can't remember if this has been on here or not, but if you haven't seen Tim Conway's dentist impression, you're in for a treat, and if you have seen it, you're still in for a treat!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYzuchDBvCs
Verna

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine...
Proverb 17:22

Facebook author page: Verna Cole Mitchell
http://www.magnificomanuscripts.com/

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Re: Southern Porch Extension

Postby ready2go » Wed Mar 12, 2014 3:55 pm

BeachGrandma wrote:Ok, tell me if I'm wrong here. I've collected Amish memorabilia for about 30 years, ever since visiting some family members in central Pennsylvania. I even bought a gorgeous hand-made quilt from an Amish lady which is to die for, as well as two Amish dolls that stand 3 feet tall which I bought an estate sale. I have so much Amish stuff you can't imagine.

But my feelings about the Amish have changed and I have quietly packed away my Amish collection.

When the terrible slaughter of innocent Amish children in 2006 took place, the entire country wept. I was one of them. It was a meaningless tragedy beyond words. One year later the Amish held a memorial service to which the grieving widow of the murderer was invited. She was showered with love and understanding and the promise of forgiveness by the Amish to the shooter himself. It was a beautiful occasion to later read about.

But that same level of understanding and forgiveness did not translate into forgiveness for those Amish family members, especially the young adults, who almost every day
decide to leave the tightly-knit communities and become more integrated into the world around them.

They are still shunned, they are still ex-communicated, they are still forbidden entrance into their family's homes, their lives, their Sunday gatherings. Some who want to attend college and become physicians, teachers, businessmen are given no support; worse, they can't talk to their families any more, at any time, about anything. They are dead to their unforgiving, adamant families.

Was their memorial service a year after the school shootings nothing more than a publicity event? Were the Amish communities really showering forgiveness on the murderer or was it a carefully-planned, but meaningless display?

From what I've read, nothing has changed about their feelings toward their own grown sons and daughters who have ventured out on their own. Shunning is anti-Biblical, it is unbelievably harsh and it is permanent.

I put away my collection of Amish memorabilia and no one noticed. One of these days perhaps I can find a buyer. I feel sad about it but keeping them seemed to be a stamp of approval for their shunning that is still prevalent, still destroying families, and is still is breaking lives and hearts.

Do you see where I'm coming from or is this unforgiveness toward the Amish on my own part?


I did not know that about the Amish people - that it was their way or the highway toward family members who left the Amish culture.

Since my house has a country theme inside, it is filled with Amish handcrafted wooden items and wall-hanging quilts. We used to take 2-3 days and travel to the Amish communities of northern Indiana where we would visit their shops and bring home a bunch of stuff.

We did that several times over the years.

Don
Last edited by ready2go on Wed Mar 12, 2014 4:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Southern Porch Extension

Postby ready2go » Wed Mar 12, 2014 3:58 pm

Verna wrote:Mariane, you must have been a delight as a child--as you are now! Little Charles is one wise little boy. I'm loving the humor on here. I can't remember if this has been on here or not, but if you haven't seen Tim Conway's dentist impression, you're in for a treat, and if you have seen it, you're still in for a treat!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYzuchDBvCs


I loved to watch the Carol Burnet Show with Tim Conway's characters and skits. They were a riot.

They don't make comedy like that anymore.

Don
John 14:6
Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me."

"My Journey To Jesus"
http://faithwriters.com/article-details.php?id=41225

http://faithwriters.com/member-profile.php?id=18654

"The Israel Connection"
http://theisraelconnection.blogspot.com/

"I have a story to tell...the saving gospel to share...and the fire of the Holy Spirit burning deep within my soul."

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Re: Southern Porch Extension

Postby deejay » Wed Mar 12, 2014 6:56 pm

The Quakers/Society of Friends do the same thing. While researching a possible storied link to my mother's family to President Hoover--no relation, it turns out--I found many instances of Quakers being very loving and helpful to outsiders, but if any of their own leave the community, they are banished. The main problem with the relationship was that President Hoover was a Quaker--one of only two Quaker presidents we've had, the other being Nixon--and my grandmother's family were Lutheran. Grandma insisted she'd been introduced to a boy named Herbert Hoover when she was a child, but when Grandma was a little girl, Hoover was on his way to the White House, not a child.

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Re: Southern Porch Extension

Postby Edy » Wed Mar 12, 2014 7:56 pm

So many interesting posts, here! Tim Conway has to be in a class all his own. His comic presentations were both uniquely delightful and absolutely frustrating to me. :lol: When he did the old man painfully slow walk, I just wanted to give him a swift kick and hurry him along. :oops:

On one of our auto-trips, we visited the little town of Hoover's birth place (birth? well, he's buried there, anyway) in southern Iowa. The whole area was so charming, it felt like a move-in ready home.

Mariane, I'd love to see your four-year-old self portrayed in a movie. Your funeral episode had to be chokingly hilarious.

We had a beautiful gathering of the deceased's family and friends at today's funeral. He was only in his early 60s and another one who died suddenly without warning. He had suffered most of his life from the results of polio, so we had an abundance of people in wheelchairs, from his circle of friends, at the service. Which meant serving lunch on two levels. I don't know how many times I ran the stairs with refills of coffee pots, serving bowls, etc. I came home absolutely exhausted and napped over the laptop trying to catch up on emails.

But, I am so tired of funerals! Even so, come Lord Jesus! I'm selfish, but when others grieve, I start imagining how I could cope with the loss of the presence of my nearest and dearest, and I don't want to find out!

Which reminds me of a beautiful post found on facebook that I shared on my own timeline; here it is for you folks, too:


Edy T Johnson shared Hebrew for Christians status.
[Oh, do I ever know how this feels!]

Many of us have been given the "gift of holy desperation." That's the special blessing of needing God so viscerally that you will fall apart or even self-destruct apart from His daily intervention in your life... "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven" (Matt. 5:3). We groan in hope... In our Torah portion this week (Tzav) we read that the fire on the altar was to be kept burning at all times (Lev. 6:12-13), which symbolizes esh tamid (אֵשׁ תָּמִיד), or the inner fire of the heart... How blessed it is to be full of the fire of this inner need, this relentless groaning, this constant hunger to be set free. As it is written, the high and lifted up One dwells with the broken and lowly of spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the crushed.
"Jesus Never Fails!" Love, Edy
The Gospel is such Good News even Christians don't believe it!
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Re: Southern Porch Extension

Postby Verna » Thu Mar 13, 2014 8:48 am

My friend, Dee Yoder, has written a beautiful book about the Amish shunning practice titled THE MITING. It will be available in May. Dee is very actively involved with ex-Amish who live near her and knows well of their problems with shunning as well as some other unacceptable practices.

Edy, I know this funeral situation is hard. No one told us as children how difficult it would be to say goodbye on earth to loved ones. We have a friend at church who called us several weeks ago to offer a praise report that he was cancer-free and could continue with a necessary surgery, which he had a week ago. Last night at Bible study we learned that he had died early yesterday. We were shocked and sad, but we're happy he knew the Lord.

When my mother died, our oldest grandson was just 4. Everyone had told him that she had gone to heaven, so when he came into the funeral home filled with flowers, he looked all around and asked, "Is this heaven?"
Verna

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine...
Proverb 17:22

Facebook author page: Verna Cole Mitchell
http://www.magnificomanuscripts.com/

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Re: Southern Porch Extension

Postby Verna » Thu Mar 13, 2014 8:53 am

Mariane, I wouldn't worry about getting rid of your beautiful Amish items. Don't let the unforgiving attitudes toward family of some of the Amish orders take away from the beauty of the God-given talents that enabled them to create such beautiful things.
Verna

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine...
Proverb 17:22

Facebook author page: Verna Cole Mitchell
http://www.magnificomanuscripts.com/

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Re: Southern Porch Extension

Postby BeachGrandma » Thu Mar 13, 2014 1:37 pm

Edy, I don't know where I got my pre-school courage. I can't imagine how, as a 4-year-old, Daddy on request from the pastor stood me up on the pulpit during a revival service to sing a solo. Daddy said I had carefully watched a soloist during another meeting and wanted to sing a solo. The preacher heard about it, knew that for a little kid I had a pretty good ear for music and loved to sing. The song I chose for my solo was a family favorite, "Deeper, deeper, in the love of Jesus, daily let me go..."

Daddy said I was so small and so short that even as a toddler I could walk under the dining room table without pausing, not hitting my head, just sailing right through it like it was the normal thing to do. So when I stood up on the pulpit I was so small that the big crowd couldn't believe I could belt out a song that loudly.

When it came to the chorus, I threw my arms up in the air, then down to my feet, then out to the sides and sang, "Oh deeeper yet, I pray, and higher every day, and wiser, blessed Lord, in thy precious, holy Word." (What would a 4-year-old know about being "wiser"? haha)

By that time, people were nearly rolling in the aisles, Daddy said, and after singing all the stanzas I knew, I wanted to start over from the beginning but he whisked me off the pulpit and down to the 2nd row from the front where Mother and the rest of the family sat in our regular pew.

Perhaps all this explains why I have such a soft spot in my heart for the old hymns of my childhood. I think I may have told this story in here before but it's fun to tell it again, anyway. :superhappy

Do you know this old hymn?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qdfdcD_qMU
"O Jesus, Jesus, dearest Lord, forgive me if I say
For very love, thy sacred name, a thousand times a day.
O Jesus, Lord, with me abide; I rest in Thee whate'er betide.
Thy gracious smile is my reward. I love, I love Thee, Lord.


Mariane Holbrook

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