Sometimes it helps to laugh at yourself . . .
I had fun with this one.
Signs That You May Talk Too Much
10. When your friend suddenly remembers he promised to take his wife shopping, and seems happy about it.
9. When your roommate prefers to do the lawn in 100% degrees weather, than engage in a conversation over current affairs.
8. When the response you often receive is, "Uh hum...uh hum...uh hum," during a stimulating conversation.
7. When your family runs away from home, and leaves no forwarding address.
6. When your employer takes you off the "emergency call in to work" list.
5. When you realize you don't even know the names of your friend's children as you call out to them, "Hey you over there. Yea, that's right, the one with the braces."
4. When that friendly car salesman decides it is time for his break.
3. When that email traffic cyber-cop named "Spam Control" drops you off his "most wanted" list due to system overload.
2. When telemarketers hang up on you.
***Drum roll please***
You have truly graduated to "talk too much" status when:
1. Bill collectors offer to pay you off if you will stop calling them.
If you have discovered several of these warning signs in your life, don't despair, help is on the way...
The Twelve Steps to Recovery
12. Think of what you will say next, when someone is talking.
11. Remember how much more you will have to say to them the next time you run into them. Call it “postponed appointment”.
10. Remind yourself that if you talk about your grandchildren, you will reveal your age.
9. Remember that with time, facial expressions associated with talking will leave wrinkles.
8. Remember that you don’t have to talk to get even. You can always put gum in their chair.
7. Pretend that everyone will invite you to speak, if you are good now.
6. Pretend that everyone will leave if you don’t stop speaking, then you won’t have anyone to talk to.
5. Pretend you are in school again and trying to keep a low profile in class so that you won’t be asked to answer a question you don’t know.
4. Try pinching yourself real hard so that your attention is diverted to this self-inflicting torture.
3. Try reciting the alphabet to yourself, backwards.
2. Use hot pepper sauce on the current food you are indulging in to temporarily disable your tongue.
1. Because you will gain brownie points with God.
I'm hearing that Tina Turner song, "What's love got to do, got to do with it?"
People may be right in their own eyes, but the Lord looks upon the heart - Proverbs