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I stand, I bow

A place to discuss poetry in all its wonderful forms and styles. Feel free to share your poetry here.

Moderators: Sparrow, RedBaron

rhymarhyma
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I stand, I bow

Postby rhymarhyma » Thu Jun 05, 2014 8:50 pm

Like a frightened child holds his mommy's hand
I hold unto you, Lord
Like a puzzled child who can't understand
I ask upon you, Lord
Like a stubborn child ignores a command
I sometimes leave you, Lord
Like a brave little child making a stand
I stand before you, Lord

I stand, I bow, right here, right now
and thank you for your grace
You've brought me back from shades of black
to this most sacred place
You gave me breath as I faced death
and brought me from the edge
So now I stand and hold your hand
and to thee I do pledge
You are my King, my everything
salvation on this earth
My wings I'll spread, I'm never dead
an angel before birth
I once was lost, but any cost
is what my Lord would pay
to save my soul, to make me whole
to take my sins away
I have been blessed, I'll do my best
to live how I should live
As Christ has done, the holy Son
so too must I forgive
So too must I solely rely
on God and his great grace
Never defy, never deny
his most majestic place
Now that I've heard, the truth, the word
the choice is up to me
to keep my mind and heart confined
or set my spirit free

Rom1221
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Re: I stand, I bow

Postby Rom1221 » Sat Jun 07, 2014 9:27 pm

Nice.

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Shann
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Location: Western NY super rural

Re: I stand, I bow

Postby Shann » Sun Jun 08, 2014 12:18 pm

This is really beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes as I felt you were writing my story. The only suggestion I would offer would be to break it into three stanzas. I would start a new verse at I have been blessed. I have two reasons for suggesting this. The first is to give it that white space which makes it easier to read and isn't overwhelming to the reader. The other reason is a subliminal, spiritual one. The number three is a vital number in the Bible and this just feels so full of the Holy Spirit that I think three verses would impact people even in a bigger way.

I'm the first to admit I'm not a poetry expert though and that is just my gut feeling and I could be off base. I also noticed when reading this is it's one of those pieces that begs to be read aloud. Because I can't hear rhythm that easily, I'll often read poetry out loud and when I did it with this piece, it really resonated with me. I still have tears in my eyes because it spoke to my heart. You have an amazing gift and I hope you will consider doing more with this piece. It needs to be read by as many people as possible.

I feel God nudging me to encourage you to enter this in the testimony contest. It's not your typical testimony, but it is definitely a powerful one. Thank you for sharing it with me. :bow
Shann

Shann's Profile

Sometimes God calms the storm; Sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child

rhymarhyma
Pencil 1 (1-49 Posts)
Pencil 1 (1-49 Posts)
 
Posts: 47
Joined: Sat Aug 04, 2012 7:26 pm

Re: I stand, I bow

Postby rhymarhyma » Sun Jun 08, 2014 7:38 pm

Hey, I truly appreciate the kind words from you guys. No doubt.


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